


Gentle Touches || [James "Bucky" Barnes X Reader]

by midnighteclipse



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesia, Anxiety, Background Canon Characters - Freeform, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Canon Compliant, F/M, Female Reader, Mutant Powers, Nightmares, POV Second Person, Panic Attacks, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Racially Ambiguous Reader, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 24,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6978406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnighteclipse/pseuds/midnighteclipse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After recently escaping HYDRA's clutches, Bucky is trying to discover who he is. But with his constant internal battle against the Winter Soldier and his worsening nightmares he's finding it difficult to keep himself together. Until he meets her, a woman who is constantly grabbing his hand and reassuring him despite not knowing who he is or what he's done. How is she able to push past all his defenses and make him feel so at peace?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just an idea I've been wanting to play with for some time now. I hope you guys enjoy it. If you do please don't hesitate to leave a comment~

Flickering eyes. Twitchy fingers.

It was too much. Too much. Too much. _Too much._

Too many people. People everywhere. Where was the nearest exit? _Where was it?_

Too much noise. Too many voices and too much laughter and talking and children crying and screaming and giggling. Chairs scraping on concrete and fork clinking against ceramic plates.

It was too hot. **Rip off the damned jacket already.**

_No I can't do that._

**Why not?**

_They'll see it. They'll panic._

**Good they should fear you. You're a murderer.**

_No, not anymore_

**Once a killer always a killer. That's how it works.**

_No._

**Just because you suddenly decide to quit doesn't mean you're free of the blood on your hands.**

_I know._

**So much blood. Too much blood. You're drowning in it. Aren't you?**

_Stop. Not anymore. Not anymore._

**Always.**

Swallowing thickly, Adam's apple bobbing. Gloved hand twitching too much, somebody _will notice._

“Sir, all you alright there?”

James’s head snapped to his right, grey eyes clashing against the eyes of the woman beside him. Her brow furrowed deeply in… what was that… concern? _What?_

“You looked nervous, are you alright?”

Automatic response. “I’m fine.”

_Look away and cross the street. If she's smart she’ll leave you alone._

Mechanically stepping forward,eyes facing straight ahead.

“Look out!”

A hand reached for him, grabbed his flesh arm and pulled him away from the curb. A truck barreled past as its driver pressed his horn and shouted profanities out the passenger window.

“Are you alright? You almost became a pancake!”

_Walk away. She doesn't need to get involved._

“Thanks.” _Good, now walk away._

**Or snap her neck. Its just as effective.**

_Don't snap her neck._

“Sir, you're obviously not okay. Let me get you to a hospital.”

“I'm fine.”

“No you're not. You're breathing erratically, your pupils are dilated and you’re wearing way too many jackets in the middle of summer. Now let me help you before I cause a scene and have paramedics strap you down to a gurney.” Her hand tightened around his wrist, her thumb brushing against the skin of his pulse point.

His intense blue eyes bore into yours, nearly threatening you into submission. But your own eyes stared back equally as intense.

_She doesn’t seem like a threat. Maybe if I humor her I can slip away._

“Fine.” He huffed, which in turn made you smirk in satisfaction as you grabbed his arm and pull him behind you before he added. “But no hospitals.”

“No worries,” you patted his arm with a smirk.

Before he knew it, you had already dragged him into a cafe to an isolated booth at the far end of the shop. You sat him down and placed a hand on his shoulder right at the base of his neck. Bucky nearly shivered at the feeling if your pinkie just barely touching the exposed skin there.

“I’m gonna go get us something to drink. D’you prefer coffee or tea?” When he didn’t respond and simply stared at you, you nodded. “Coffee it is, then. You look like a coffee person, all... bitter and everything. Please don’t run off on me, I’ll be right back.”

With a final squeeze and gentle smile you walked off, leaving Bucky wondering what the hell just happened and why the hell he let you drag him to this place. He had half a mind to get up, leave a couple dollars on the table for the coffee you had insisted on getting him, and leaving. But something held him back. He wasn’t sure what, maybe it was the way you smiled at him, he hadn’t been smiled at by a woman in a long time. Or maybe it was that you weren’t afraid to touch him. Granted you didn’t know who he was, but still.

_I’ll stay, if only to stop her from tracking me down later._

To his surprise, the other voice didn’t respond. Not that he was complaining. He was just used to his internalized battle. The two warring opposites arguing in his head, fighting to take control. Killer instinct and years as an assassin against the good man he was trying to be, who he used to be.

“It’s not much,” you interrupted, placing a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. “But I think a good cup of coffee can settle you down until you’re ready to go.”

Bucky took the cup as you sat across from him. He sniffed the coffee before taking a sip, he still wasn't sure whether he could trust you or not. Once he deemed it safe to continue drinking, he downed the coffee in one go, ignoring the way it scalded his tongue and burned down his throat.

“Wow,” you chuckled. “And I thought _I_ loved coffee.”

Bucky set down the cup and nodded his head at you. “Thank you for the coffee.”

You waved dismissively at him. “Oh, it’s no problem. You looked like you needed a break and it was the least I could do.”

Bucky nodded and darted his eyes towards the exit. He should really get going. He couldn't risk staying with you any longer, he had determined you really were just a regular person. The last thing he wanted was to drag an innocent person into his life.

“You look like you're in a rush.”

Bucky looked back at you, surprised to see a small smile in your face.

“How ‘bout this?” You dug your hand in your pocket and took out a pen. You plucked a napkin from the dispenser on the table and began jotting something down on it. “Here’s my number, if you ever need someone to talk to or a cup of coffee just call me.”

You slipped the napkin towards him, smiling wider when he took it in his hand.

“Why?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

You simply shrugged. “You seem like someone who can use a friend.”

You pocketed your pen and stood up from the booth. You held your hand out for him to shake. “I’m ______, by the way.”

He glanced down at your hand before taking it in his own gloved hand and shaking it. “Bucky”

“It was nice meeting you, Bucky. And seriously, don't hesitate to call.” With a final pat on his shoulder, your pinkie brushing against his neck once more, you walked off, leaving Bucky at the booth with your number in his hand.

Bucky furrowed his eyebrow and blinked. His eyes scanned your name and the digits below it.

_“What the hell?”_

 


	2. Chapter 2

That night you had received a call from an unknown number. You could only assume that it was Bucky. You had almost felt guilty after forcing the poor man to sit beside you for a cup of coffee. But in your defense he seemed on the brink of a panic attack. You were not about to let him go through that in such a highly trafficked area, even if he was a stranger.

 

Besides if he didn’t need your help right now, he obviously wouldn’t be calling. You did the right thing.

 

You unlocked your phone and answered the call. “Hello?”

 

“______? It’s Bucky.” 

 

You leaned against the wall and smiled. “Hey, Bucky. Is everything alright?”

 

There was silence on the other end. You lifted the phone from your ear, he hadn’t hung up. You put the phone against your ear again.

 

“Bucky? Is everything okay?” You swallowed thickly. Why wasn’t he answering?

 

“I just-” He sighed loudly through the receiver. He must have been reconsidering. “I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I  _ shouldn’t  _ be calling you.”

 

“Hey, hey it’s okay. I don’t mind at all, really.” You insisted, sliding down against the wall to sit on the floor. 

 

“I shouldn’t be talking to you.”

 

“Then don’t talk.” You looked over at the clock on your cable box, 10:24. “How ‘bout this? We can meet up, grab a coffee. How does that sound?”

 

“ _ No. _ ” You could hear him grinding his teeth, and oddly enough the sound of creaking metal.

 

You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. “Listen, Bucky, obviously you needed someone to talk to or you wouldn’t be calling me. Now please, just let me help you. It doesn’t have to be personal or anything. Hell, you could tell me what you ate for breakfast. Just do whatever makes you feel better and I’ll be happy… I really do want to help you, you know. I mean it.”

 

“Why?”

 

You frowned. “Because, it’s the right thing to do. I’m not going to let you go through whatever it is you’re going through alone.”

 

“You don’t even  _ know _ me.”

 

“That makes it easier, doesn’t it,” you shrugged. “Gives you a level of anonymity. I don’t know you, you don’t know me. It’s like those anonymous suicide hotlines, ‘cept I’m not convincing you to do anything, I’ll just hear you out until you need me to. Deal?”

 

“... Fine” Bucky sighed, once again you heard something metallic on the other end. “I can’t sleep.”

 

“Insomnia,” you suggested.

 

“No… I get nightmares. Most of the time I’m falling… all I see is white and it’s cold. Other times I’m… I think they’re memories but I’m not sure. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not.”

 

You nodded, despite knowing he couldn’t see you. “I have a friend, he, well, he was in an accident, forgot a lot about himself. Sometimes, he gets dreams and nightmares, most of the time he thinks they’re memories but we can never tell. To be honest, all I really know about him is that he’s been through hell.”

 

“... How is he now, your friend?” You heard his voice shudder slightly on the other end. “Does he… can he remember?”

 

You swallowed thickly, surprised by the raw emotion in his voice. He sounded like he was on the brink of a breakdown. “I-- yeah, he… he remembers a lot more now. There’s still some gaps, but he remembers a lot more than he did before. He’s a lot better now, still coping, but better.”

 

“... Thank you.”

 

With that you heard a click on the other end, he had hung up. You pulled the phone away from your ear, blinking several times. Was he going to be okay?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been getting a lot of awesome feedback from you guys so I've decided to post the next chapter. I hope you guys like it and don't be scared to tell me what you think. I'm totally open to criticism. :)

The next day you walked into the cafe. Taking in a deep breath of the smell of coffee and pastries you walked to stand in line. Your eyes swept over the pastries behind the glass, muffins _so many muffins._

  
When it was your turn to place your order you smiled at the cashier, Myia. A Jamaican-American woman who once roomed with you in college and who seemed the only person you knew that actually  _ liked _ waking up at ungodly hours of the morning to head off to work. She smiled knowingly in return and leaned against the counter.

  
"Hey, ______. The usual?"

  
You nodded, patting your stomach. "Oh, you know it. And, hey, d'ya think you can throw in another muffin there for me for the go? I have a short lunch today and the boss'll kill me if I get back late."

  
"Sure thing." She grabbed two muffins with a long set of tongs and popped them into a brown paper bag.

  
You made to grab your wallet. "How much I owe ya?"

  
"Zero," she winked at you. "A mysterious benefactor decided to pay for your breakfast."

  
"Wha- you're serious?" You raised an eyebrow as you tucked away your wallet. "Who was it?"

 

She cocked her head towards the back of the shop with a smirk. “Tall, dark, and handsome over there in the back.”

 

You turned around with a frown. In the the booth where you sat just yesterday was Bucky with a cup of steaming black coffee. His blue eyes met yours and he dipped his head in acknowledgement. 

 

“He’s kinda cute. In a weird homeless lumberjack sort of way.” Myia drawled, glancing at the both of you. “I’d tap that if I were you.”

 

You whipped back around wide eyed to look at her. “I barely know the guy!”

 

“Still, if a guy that fine bought me breakfast. I'd definitely consider the potential.”

 

“Your standards concern me.” With a sigh and a shake of the head you grabbed your breakfast and headed towards the booth. You called at Myia over your shoulder. “See ya later.”

 

You licked your lips as you went over to where Bucky sat.

 

“Mind if I take a seat?” you gestured to the seat across from him with a smile.

 

Bucky shook his head silently and took a sip from his coffee. 

 

You set your coffee down and set your bagged muffins to the side. “Thanks for breakfast, by the way. It was real nice of you.”

 

“No problem.” Another sip from his coffee. “S’was the least I could do for last night.”

 

You popped the lid off your coffee and nodded. “How are you by the way? Were you able to get any sleep?”

 

He set down his coffee with a frown and averted his gaze.

 

“Sorry! That’s none of my business.” You lowered your gaze and took a long sip from your coffee. “Um… I’m glad I was able to help by the way. Wasn’t sure if I was able to do much.”

 

“You did enough.” He nodded and finished his coffee. 

 

You smiled and took a muffin out of your bag. Before taking a bite you cocked your chin up at him. “Did you have anything to eat yet?”

 

Bucky nodded and you squinted your eyes. He was definitely lying. You broke off half the muffin and shoved it in his direction on a napkin. “Here.”

 

He shook his head and pushed it back in your direction. You frowned and shoved it back at him.

 

“I’m not the type of person to ask twice, pal. Now eat or I'll feel guilty for the rest of the day.” You took a bite out of your half, closing your eyes as you savored it. This was one of the best muffins you had ever had at the café.

 

You opened your eyes to see Bucky eyeing the muffin warily. You swallowed your bite and took a sip of your coffee before speaking. “It’s  _ really  _ good, trust me.”

 

His eyes met yours briefly then went back down to look at the muffin. Gingerly he took the muffin in his left gloved hand and brought it up to his face. He sniffed it then met your eyes again.

 

“Yeah, I think it has cinnamon or something. Or was it nutmeg?” You're eyes widened as a thought occurred to you. “You’re not allergic, right? Cause I can get another one.”

 

Instead of answering Bucky took a bite of his half. He stared down at it thoughtfully as he chewed. You watched silently as he swallowed and licked his lips.

 

“Clove spice.”

 

“Huh?” You quirked an eyebrow. That wasn't what you were expecting.

 

Bucky’s own eyebrows furrowed as he stared down at the muffin. Like he was confused. “It’s clove spice….I think… I can't remember.”

 

“Oh,” you sighed as you recalled last night’s conversation. You reached a hand out to grab Bucky’s free hand. “It’s alright. I can just ask Myia later.”

 

Bucky retracted his hand with a frown and nodded.

 

The two of you continued to eat in silence. Every once in awhile you'd look over at where Myia was from behind the counter only to see her smirking and wiggling her eyebrows at you. You would simply roll your eyes and turn around to take another sip of your coffee.

 

A glance at the clock and you cursed under your breath. You had ten minutes before you had to get to the clinic.

 

“I have to go.” You stood up quickly and crumpled up the muffin wrapper and stuffing it in your empty cup before throwing it in the trash. You lifted your bag and smiled. “Thanks so much for the breakfast.”

 

Bucky nodded, the corners of his lips barely lifting. “No problem.”

 

Your grin widened and you chanced a one armed side hug. You felt Bucky stiffen as the side of your head just barely brushed against his.

 

“See you later?”

 

His shoulders tended slightly before relaxing. He nodded and you let go satisfied.

 

Bucky stared after you as you left the shop. He was drowning so deeply he was sure he’d pull s muscle in his face if he kept it up.

 

He just said yes. Why did he say yes? Why does he keep feeling so… so safe with her? This couldn't be normal. This  _ wasn't  _ safe.

 

**You have to leave.**

 

Bucky nursed the now empty coffee cup in his hand.

 

_ You told her you'd see her later. _

 

**Since when do you care about what other people want? If you're free then damn act like it. You're not obligated to do anything she says.**

 

Your words echoed in his head.  _ “I’m not the kind of person to ask twice, pal.”  _

 

Bucky huffed as he crumpled the styrofoam cup in his grip. He was stuck between two choices; packing up the little he had and skipping town or going through with his word and seeing you in the future. He knew what was best for him, to keep moving. It was the only thing he could do. What he  _ should  _ do. But for some inexplicable reason he also had the urge to follow through with he had agreed to. To do what you had asked without a second thought.

 

He raked his free hand through his hair.  _ Something tells me she's not above filing a missing person’s report if I leave. _

 

With that thought in mind Bucky threw out his crumpled cup in the trash and walked out the cafe, heading in the direction opposite to where you had gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add in an OC based off of an old friend of mine for the sake of not having the reader be closed off to social interaction that doesn't come from Bucky. She obviously would have a life outside of him before he comes a life and she wouldn't drop it just because a person catches her interest. I hope that makes sense?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is a little short today so I may update again. Hopefully this chapter leaves a couple more hints about the reader, if you guys haven't figured it out yet. I hope not! XD

You managed to get to the clinic on time which was a relief. With a couple minutes to spare you changed into your nurse scrubs and clocked in. After greeting the other nurses you were immediately assigned your first patient.

 

You walked in with a smile and greeted the patient. “Good morning Mr. Smith.”

 

“What’s so good about it?” He grumbled and crossed his arms tightly. 

 

You huffed lightly. “Well for one thing, a little birdie told me you're getting released tomorrow.” You grabbed a bag of IV fluid and replaced it.

 

“I should’a been out of here last week!” He uncrossed his arms and raised them sharply into the air, nearly yanking the needle out his arm.

 

You frowned and placed your hand on his shoulder, your fingers pressed onto some exposed skin.

 

“Sir, please calm down. You had a really bad accident, not to mention some head trauma. It was only fair that we keep you for another week of observation.”

 

The man relaxed instantly and leaned back against his bed.

 

“Tomorrow?” 

 

You retracted your hand and nodded with a smile. “Yep.

 

“I guess I can take another day of this place.”

 

“That’s the spirit.”

 

With a final grin you left the room and went to your next patient.

  
  
  


At the end of the work day you said your goodbyes and left the clinic. You adjusted your handbag with your clothes inside.

 

You sighed heavily as you crossed the street. Today had been a long day. Most of the people were highly uncooperative until you managed to calm them down. That had been very trying but like always you had managed.

 

You rubbed your temple. You were beginning to feel a headache coming on. You really needed to stop exerting yourself so much. If you kept going at this rate you were likely to pass out. But right now you needed something to eat.

  
You looked up ahead and saw a small restaurant that thankfully stayed open during late hours.  _ Bless this town. _


	5. Chapter 5

Two days had passed until you saw Bucky again. After the second day you weren’t too surprised about not seeing him. As much as he had promised he didn’t seem the type of person to you who liked to follow any type of order or request.

 

So when the second day came around you were pleasantly surprised to see him where the two of you sat the last two times in the cafe. 

 

Myia leaned languidly against the counter with a smirk. “Either he really loves the coffee or he’s loving the atmosphere right here.”

 

You rolled your eyes and ordered your usual coffee and a pressed sandwich. “Did he get anything to eat?” You glanced back at him.

 

Myia shook her head. “Nah, he’s probably just not a breakfast kind of guy.”

 

“In any case do you think you can get me one of those plum muffins?” You pointed at the glass case.

 

She cocked an eyebrow at you as she took the muffin out and placed it in a little brown bag. “Does he even like plum muffins?”

 

You shrugged. “No idea. But I’m sure he’ll at least try it if he hasn’t had anything to eat.”

 

Myia nodded and placed the bag on the counter along with the rest of your order. Once you paid and thanked her she grabbed your hand.

 

“Listen, ______. Does… does he know?  About you, I mean. Because if you really care about him as much as I think you do, you’re going to have to do it eventually.”

 

Your eyes flickered across the room. There was no one around to listen in but even then you already felt like everyone was.

 

“No.” You gently pulled your arm out of her grasp. “I don’t think I should. He wouldn’t… It doesn’t matter. Right now I’m more concerned about him.”

 

“______.”

 

“I’ll be fine Mymy. Just, have a little faith in me, okay?”

 

Myia relented with a frown and looked away from you as another customer entered the cafe.

 

A quick glance at your’s and Bucky’s booth and the two of you made eye contact. With a grin you cocked your head in his direction and he dipped his in response. You made your way over, balancing your food and coffee.

 

“Hey, stranger.” You placed your coffee beside his and waved the brown bag in front of his face once you sat down. “Got you a little something.”

 

Bucky glanced briefly at the bag then looked to you. “I don’t have any money.”

 

“I’m not asking for any.” You placed the bag on the table and nudged it towards him. “This is just me being nice.”

 

His eyebrows furrowed together and he looked down at the bag. “What is it?”

 

You popped off the lid to your coffee and took a sip. “I wasn’t sure what to get you so I got one of my favorites.”

 

His eyes flickered up at you then back down at the bag. Grabbing the bag with his right hand he turned it over and gave it a little shake, making the muffin land in his left. His eyebrows shot up in recognition.

 

“Plums?”

 

You smiled. “Yeah, I remember reading somewhere that they help with memory. Thought you’d might like that. Go ahead and tell me what you think.”

 

Like always, Bucky sniffed the food before taking a bite. His eyebrows pinched together thoughtfully as he chewed. He swallowed and licked his lips for stray crumbs. 

 

You stared at him expectantly. “Well?”

 

His eyes met yours and you could have sworn he almost smiled. “Not bad.” He took another bite and let his eyes close as he savored it. “Thank you.”

 

You beamed and proceeded to dig into your own food. Five minutes later, he had finished his muffin and stared down at his hands. You observed him as he lost himself in his thoughts. As unfocused as he seemed sometimes you never missed how sharp and alert his blue eyes were. He was always taking in his surroundings, scoping out threats.

 

You knew what a war torn soldier looked like. You reached your hand out tentatively.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Why are you being nice to me?” He glared at your hand and you quickly retracted it. 

 

“You’d prefer I wasn’t?” When he didn’t respond and continued to stare you down you swallowed thickly. “Like I said before, I had a friend with a similar situation. It was hard for him, he nearly shut everyone out. I don’t want you to do the same. It’s not healthy.”

 

“And like  _ I’ve  _ said. You don’t know me. You don’t know who I am or what I’ve done.  _ So why are you so hell bent on “helping” me? _ ” He leaned forward, his hands clenching into fists.

 

On instinct your right hand shot out to touch him. His left arm jerked backwards and your heart nearly leaped out of your throat.

 

“I’m sorry!” You jumped out of your seat, bumping into the table and spilling your coffee all over you. You hissed at the scalding heat and backpedaled, bumping into another chair. “I’m so  _ so  _ sorry!”

 

Before he could respond you ran out of the shop, folding your arms tightly across your chest.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's side of the story concerning the last chapter. Go easy on him ladies, he carries a lot of baggage.

When Bucky walked into the cafe this morning, he wasn’t sure why. Okay, he knew why. But he wasn’t about to admit it, not even to himself.

 

When you had hugged him two days ago he didn’t know what to do. One moment he was about to shove you off and leave, the next he was relaxing into your touch and agreeing to see you once more. 

 

He didn’t like it. He didn’t know what was coming over him. He was always on guard, always questioning motives and analyzing other people’s actions. If his mind was kind enough to him, he would pretend to be people watching. But in reality he was learning. Learning to blend into this unfamiliar world. Learning to be normal.

 

He found he couldn’t learn much from you. He knew you worked at a clinic -shortly after leaving the cafe he had decided to turn around and find out where you were heading- and that you were unbearably kind.

 

That was another thing he couldn’t comprehend, your kindness. Why were you so kind to him? Didn’t you know who he was? What he had done? Nearly everyone else in the country did, hell the whole world did, but this town was different. It was a bit  aways from other cities and seemed isolated when it came to world news. That or it could care less about what was happening outside of itself. 

 

That was all fine and dandy when it came to him laying low. But it was also… disconcerting. He couldn’t be the only person who had decided to go to this town to lay low. There had to be other people who noticed how closed off this place was.

 

Myia’s voice brought him back to reality and he ordered a coffee. He would have asked for something to eat, but there were too many choices. As much as he had loved the prospect of making his own choices, having to pick from so many options was a bit intimidating. He would have to try it eventually, just not today.

 

Bucky was relieved to find his usual seat empty. It was a simple pleasure, but he had enjoyed it nonetheless. It made him feel more present, he supposed. To have his own spot, gave him a sense of normalcy he was sure he hadn’t had in nearly seventy years.

 

At the sound of the  shop door opening and closing he glanced up at you entering the cafe. He looked back down at his coffee and sighed. Chances were you were going to sit with him again and try to chat him up. You’d be overbearingly nice and try to grab his hand or brush your fingers against his neck when you patted his shoulder, or even worse  _ hug him.  And he’d let you.  _

 

He couldn’t understand that. Why did you bring his guard down so effortlessly?

 

Without meaning to, ( _yeah right, he completely meant to_ ) he tuned in on your conversation as he drank his coffee.

 

“- Right now I’m more concerned about him.”

 

“______.”

 

“I’ll be fine, Mymy. Just, have a little faith in me, okay?”

 

He looked up then, his blue eyes clashing against your own. With a grin your cocked you head in his direction, asking permission to sit across from him. Despite his better judgement he relented with a dip of the head.

 

He watched as you made your way over, a coffee, a wrapped up sandwich and a little brown paper bag in your hands. Having sat down, you lifted the brown bag in his direction.

 

“Hey stranger.” His eyes zeroed in on the paper bag you waved in front of him. “Got you a little something.”

 

He looked up at your smiling face and quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t have any money.”

 

You huffed slightly and placed the bag down on the table. “I’m not asking for any.” You nudged it forwards, making it tilt towards him. “This is just me being nice.”

 

His eyebrows furrowed together as he stared down at the bag.  _ There it is again, her being “nice”. Why? _ “What is it?” 

 

“I wasn’t sure what to get you so I got one of my favorites.”

 

His eyes flickered up at you then back down at the bag. 

 

**She’s making your guard slip. Don’t let her.**

 

Grabbing the bag with his right hand he turned it over and gave it a little shake, making the muffin land in his left. His eyebrows shot up in recognition. On top of the muffin was a caramelized plum slice, sprinkled with what he suspected with brown sugar and cinnamon.

 

“Plums?”

 

“Yeah, I remember reading somewhere that they help with memory. Thought you’d might like that. Go ahead and tell me what you think.”

 

He looked at you again,  _ Still smiling.  _ He stared down at the muffin and brought it up to his nose, taking a whiff.  _ Definitely cinnamon.  _ Without a moment’s hesitation he bit into the muffin, nearly startling at the sudden tartness and sweetness of the plum slice and chunks of fruit mixed into the muffin.

 

He licked his lips after swallowing, desperate to catch any stray crumbs he may have missed.

 

“Well?”

 

His eyes met your and he had to stop himself from smiling. Your expectant gaze… reminded him of something? He couldn’t stop the minute tilt of his lips at the feeling of deja vu. “Not bad.”

 

He took another bite and allowed his eyes to close as he took in the depth of all the flavors. How long had it been since he actually enjoyed something so simple as breakfast?

 

He opened his eyes and was once again baffled by that constant smile on your face. He paused and nodded. “Thank you.”

 

He thought it was impossible but your smile got even wider. He  averted his eyes down to his muffin and decided to continue eating. In five minutes flat all that was left was the paper wrapper. He took a swig of his coffee and sighed softly as the warm drink slithered down to his stomach. He felt safe. Which was an immensely big deal for him.

 

**And she’s an immensely big threat. Can’t you see how easy it is for her to disarm you? She’s dangerous.**

 

_ She’s been nothing but kind to me. _

 

**Exactly. You’re an asset, you’re valuable. What is she trying to gain?**

 

“Are you okay?”

 

He registered your hand moving towards his left arm and he glared at it on instinct. Your hand retracted just as quickly to your lap.

 

“Why are you being nice to me?”

 

“You’d prefer I wasn’t?”

 

_ No. _

 

**Yes.**

 

His piercing gaze didn’t relent.

 

“Like I said before, I had a friend with a similar situation. It was hard for him, he nearly shut everyone out. I don’t want you to do the same. It’s not healthy.”

 

Bucky’s jaw clenched along with his hands. That wasn’t the answer. That  _ couldn’t  _ be the answer. You had to want something. You had to  _ know  _ something. Nobody did this for him without reason.

 

“And like  _ I’ve  _ said. You don’t know me. You don’t know who I am or what I’ve done.  _ So why are you so hell bent on “helping” me? _ ” He leaned forward, his hands clenching into fists.

 

Your hand shot out towards his left arm and he jerked it backward, eyes blowing wide as he did so. You gasped loudly and jumped out of your seat, a string of apologies leaving your mouth even as your own coffee spilled and burned your abdomen and down to your legs. 

 

Bucky stood up as you ran out of the shop. His eyes flickered nervously. How many people had seen? He swallowed thickly as all eyes regarded him. He had to go. He needed to get out of this place.

 

“_____!”

 

His eyes snapped to the counter where your friend watched you run down the street. She gaped at him before running back into the kitchen. Before she came back with rags in her hands Bucky had already left in the same direction you went.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter makes sense. Channeling a war-torn Bucky is difficult and I'm afraid I didn't do him justice. I hope this explains his outburst too. I mean ,you didn't expect for him to make this easy for you, did you?


	7. Chapter 7

You ran into a back alley ten blocks down. You leaned heavily against the brick wall, panting loudly and trying your hardest to bring down your rapid heartbeat.

 

You stared down at your shaking hands.  _ He couldn’t know. He doesn’t know. He  _ **_can’t_ ** _ know. _

 

You slid down against the wall, ignoring the way the rough bricks bit through your clothing.  _ What if he knows? _

 

The sound of your phone ringing snapped you out of it. You fumbled with your back pocket for your phone. You nearly dropped it because your hands were shaking so much. You peered down at the screen,  **“Mymy”** .

 

You unlocked the screen and brought your phone to you ear. “H-hello?”

 

“______?! Thank God! Are you okay? What happened?” Myia whispered on the other side of the phone. She must have been in the back of the kitchen.

 

“I-I yeah. I… Oh my god, Mymy I think he knows.  _ He knows. _ ”

 

“What do you mean “he knows”?”

 

“H-he… He was about to have a break down, I think. I-I was just trying to calm him down and he jerked back before I could even touch him.” You sniffled and held your head in your hand. “He doesn’t even  _ have _ any exposed skin on that arm. Why would he…”

 

“Take a deep breath, honey.” She took several deep breaths, continuing to instruct you on breathing in and out. “Okay, you said it yourself, right? He was about to freak out. Maybe he doesn’t know, okay? He probably just wanted some space.”

 

You swallowed thickly and nodded. She was right. He couldn’t know. Yeah, you have done it front of him before, even  _ to  _ him. But you were cautious. You never made it obvious, always tried to play it off as just being a really tactile person. If he knew he would have called you out on it. Right?  Based on what happened not ten minutes ago, he wasn’t afraid of confrontation.

 

“You’re right.” You took another deep breath. 

 

“Listen, I have to go soon. But I’ll call the clinic and tell them you’re not feeling well today.”

 

You sighed in relief. “Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”

 

“You’d be crazy not to. Take it easy, alright? I’ll come by your apartment after my shift.”

 

You hummed in response before hanging up. You stared down at your phone. Your hands were still shaking. You stuffed your phone in your back pocket and brought your hands against you face.

 

You didn’t know how long you were sitting there, reigning in deep breaths and exhaling slowly. You just knew that you had to be more cautious. You couldn’t afford to be compromised. The world’s opinion on mutants was hostile as it is. The last thing you all needed was for people to find out what you were capable of doing.

 

You were a tactile-telepath. You couldn’t read minds per say, but you were able to  _ convince  _ people into doing what you told them. You knew that your abilities were dangerous. That if you so much as did one wrong thing you not only put yourself at risk, but every other mutant as well. This was why you  _ never  _ used them for your own personal gain. Why you only ever used it as a way to sedate people at the clinic or in the most recent case to ease Bucky from an outburst.

 

That was why you moved to this dead end town. Everyone was so self-absorbed and concerned with their own problems that they wouldn’t look at you twice. Myia was the only one you had trusted enough to tell. Her mother was a mutant, and though she didn’t inherit the X-Gene, she knew what a person in hiding looked like. Sometimes, you wondered what you had even done to deserve a friend like her.

 

The sound of heavy footsteps headed in your direction made your head snap up. You swallowed thickly and felt your heart leap into your throat at the sight of Bucky. Long shadows were cast over his face from the rim of his cap, concealing his expression from you.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

You flinched, his voice was low and gentle as he regarded you. You open your mouth then closed it. What were you even supposed to say? Deciding you weren’t ready to trust your voice yet, you nodded.

 

“Are… are you hurt?” Despite not seeing his face clearly, you practically feel his eyes roaming over your body, looking for any sign of injury. “I, uh… I saw you spill your coffee. Did you burn yourself?”

 

You nodded once more and shifted so that you sat with your legs folded beneath you. Bucky shifted as well, it was then that you noticed he was just as nervous as you were. Then slowly, careful as to not spook you, he extended his right hand towards you with his palm facing up.

 

“Can you stand?”

 

“I… yeah. Yeah, I can stand.”

 

He curled and uncurled his fingers, motioning for you to grab his hand. Your lips parted as your eyes flickered between looking into his then down at his gloved hand. Was he… was he actually letting you touch him?

 

You reached your hand out slowly and grabbed onto his. He lifted you up carefully, so carefully you were afraid that if you so much as squeezed his hand  _ he  _ would be the one to break and not you. You stood face to face to him now, only a foot apart with your hand still grasping onto his.

 

He bowed his head slightly, his stormy blue eyes locked onto yours. “I’m sorry.”

 

Your eyebrows drew together. “I feel like I should be the one to say that. I didn’t mean to startle you back there.”

 

“You didn’t. It wasn’t you it was…” Bucky averted his eyes and cleared his throat. “Why did  _ you  _ run?”

 

You felt his hand tighten around yours and you felt your throat go dry.

 

“I… um, I.” You stammered, turning your head towards the wall to hide your face. “I kind of… had a bit of a, um, panic attack.”

 

Suddenly you felt the warmth of his hand leave yours. Your arm fell limply against your side as he took a small step back.

 

“ _ I’m sorry. _ ”

 

“No, no, no. It’s not your fault!” You took a step forward, a hand outstretched towards him. “You didn’t know. It wasn’t on purpose.”

 

He didn’t seem convinced, but he nodded regardless. The two of you stood there. You fiddled with your hands and he kept his stuffed deep in his coat pockets.

 

The sound of your phone chiming loudly made the both of you flinch. You fumbled with your back pocket and retrieved it. 

 

“Sorry.” Unlocking it you saw a text from Myia.

 

**‘on my way to ur house’**

 

Another text popped up.

 

**‘need a lift??’**

You chewed on your lip briefly before typing.

 

**‘yeah’**

**‘i’m on carlton dr.’**

 

You pocketed your phone and looked up at Bucky. “I have to go. My friend is gonna give me a lift. I’ll see you later?”

 

He nodded, allowing a corner of his mouth to lift up. 

 

A small smile made its way to your face as you nodded at him. A honk of a car horn and you knew Myia was waiting for you outside the alley.

 

The two of you turned towards her and you sent a thumbs up to Myia who sat with a look of suspicion on her face. 

 

“I got to go before she drags me. Call me if you need anything. ‘Kay?” You couldn’t help it, you let a hand grab his left forearm and gave it an affectionate squeeze. You didn’t feel the way he stiffened. You didn’t see his eyes go wide and you didn't hear his breath hitch in his throat. You were already in Myia’s car and driving off.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST REALIZED I NEVER POSTED THIS CHAPTER I'M SO SORRY.
> 
> Have some time with Myia. ;)

You and Myia currently found yourselves sitting on your living room floor. Both of you were wrapped in fluffy blankets and with a hot cup of tea in your hands. You smiled down at your cup as it warmed your hands. Myia always new how to settle you down after a panic attack. It was a wonder why she didn’t work in the clinic with you.

 

Myia sat in front of you with her legs crossed and her own mug of tea. “So… I saw you with him, obviously. Does he know?”

 

You shook your head. “No. He thought he scared me. I mean, he wasn’t wrong but… I don’t blame him. He’s just going through a rough patch right now.”

 

“What do you mean?” She quirked an eyebrow and took a sip of her tea.

 

“Remember Logan?” Myia nodded and you continued. “Well, he’s going through something like that, memory loss, I mean. I’m not sure how, but whatever it was damaged him. A lot. And thing is, he’s behaving so much like Logan it’s frustrating. He tries to push people away and doesn’t trust anyone. Then the moment you think you’re getting through to him he hesitates and puts up a wall!”

 

You set your tea aside and sighed heavily.

 

“I think you should tell him. Maybe you could help him a lot more if he knows.”

 

You narrowed your eyes at your friend. “Were you even listening? He has  _ trust issues.  _ If I tell him that I have powers or how they work and he believes me he’ll never trust me again. He’ll think I was controlling him this whole time.” You flopped back onto your carpet and spread your arms out above your head. “Do you have  _ any  _ idea how badly that can go?”

 

Myia rolled her eyes and leaned on one of her hand. “Girl, please. I know  _ exactly  _  how badly this can go. I’m not telling you to do it now. Take your time with him, and stop trying to touch him so much. That way when you’re ready he’ll believe you  _ and  _ trust you.”

 

“You make it sound easy,” you snorted, lolling your head to the side to look at her.

 

“No. You’re just not patient. If what you’re saying is right, it’ll take time for him to completely trust you. Where’d you even find this guy anyway?”

 

You smiled sheepishly. “I, uh kind of found him on my way to work. Looked like he was gonna have a panic attack so I dragged him over to the cafe. You know he was so out of it, Stanley nearly ran him over with his truck?”

 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Myia waved her hand, her eyebrows pinching together. “You mean this guy was about to freak out and he decided ‘Hey, this stranger is nice and really pretty. I’mma follow her to wherever she wants to take me!’”

 

“Not exactly,” you chuckled uneasily. 

 

“You used your powers,” she deadpanned. “Of course. Why am I not surprised?” 

 

She rubbed her temple in exasperation. “That kind of nullifies my plan, doesn’t it?”

 

“A little, yeah.” You winced and sat up, lifting your cup to take a sip of your tea

 

“Well regardless just try not to get too touchy feely on the poor man. He’ll think you’re trying to come on to him.”

 

You coughed, nearly choking on your tea. “Oh, God no. I’m not touching that with a ten foot pole. Why would you even say that?”

 

She smirked mischievously. “I know you better than you know yourself, honey. As much as you think you’re doing this for redemption -and I’m sure it is in a way- I saw the doe eyes you were giving him earlier. And the way you looked at him when he was eating the muffin.” She snorted. “Oh, yeah. You like him. And have you even seen how he looks at you half the time? I almost barfed.”

 

“You’re ridiculous, you know?” You drained the rest of your tea and stood up. 

 

“But I’m right,” she replied in a sing-song voice and followed you to your kitchen.

 

* * *

 

Bucky clutched his left arm as you drove off with your friend. You touched his arm. You  _ squeezed  _ it. And you didn’t even notice. And if you had noticed,  you didn’t seem affected.

 

_ What even  _ is  _ she? _

 

He was surprised when his inner cynic didn’t respond. That was happening a lot lately, wasn’t it?  His thoughts were no longer as jumbled and incoherent since he had left D.C. Then it was nearly impossible to make sense of anything, what with everything being so… unfamiliar.

 

Bucky sighed, you were just as much of a mystery to him as the twenty-first century. Woman were decidedly more spirited now than he thought they were seventy years ago. It was a refreshing change, seeing how women were much more open with their opinions and many were not afraid to give a piece of her mind. But you took the cake.

 

You weren’t aggressive or overbearing but you weren’t a shrinking violet either. You were a balance of both. He supposed that was why he found himself listening to you as much as he has. Other than the fact that you had shown him a kindness he was sure he hadn’t felt in a  _ long  _ time.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place the following day.
> 
> Also it was brought to my attention by RomanianPlums that this video is very similar to this fic and i just can't right now.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6O-XoWmttCw
> 
> I think it's pretty clear who Patrick, Jeffrey, and the security guard represent.

It was disorienting seeing Bucky picking out fresh fruit at the farmer’s market with a basket in his hand. Which was weird to explain. You supposed it was because you only ever really saw him at the cafe. Seeing him outside of it made you realize that despite having some heavy baggage, he was still able to perform ordinary tasks. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was just some regular guy out to buy some organic plums.

 

You  went up him from his left and nudged his arm with your elbow. “I take it you really liked the plums?”

 

His head snapped up and his body went rigid. It wasn’t until he looked down at you that you noticed his shoulders ease up a bit.

 

“Yeah. Thought I’d give it another try.”

 

You watched as his right hand continued grabbing for plums, squeezing them slightly to check how ripe they were.

 

“You know,” you started hesitantly. “ I could help you pick out some other stuff that can help. Only if you want, that is.”

 

Bucky regarded you silently, before nodding his assent. He turned to grab a couple more plastic bags. He handed a couple to you.

 

“What do you recommend?” His voice was rough as he spoke, almost hoarse. You tried not to wonder why and instead began recalling different foods.

 

“Well,” you tapped your chin thoughtfully. “In terms of fruit, berries are always the way to go. There’s blackberries, blueberries, cherries. They’re pretty rich in anthocyanins and other flavonoids that help boost memory function. Not to mention they taste  _ amazing _ ”

 

You walked further down the aisle, Bucky following close behind, where the berries were and gestured towards them with your head. “Any preferences?”

 

Bucky frowned slightly, drawing his eyebrows together in concentration. “Not sure. All of them?” His eyes flickered towards you and you realized he was asking permission. You tried not to wonder about that either.  _ He’s a soldier, soldier are used to taking orders. That’s all. Don’t read into it. _

 

You blinked and shrugged. “Whatever you want.  This was your grocery shopping trip after all. I just came here ‘cuz I ran out of dish soap last night.”

 

Bucky let out a soft sigh, which sounded suspiciously like a chuckle, and made a grab for a container of each fruit to put in his basket. You noticed how his rigid shoulders slumped minutely into a more relaxed position. “Anything else?”

 

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to run you dry,” you protested.

 

Bucky simply shook his head. “Money isn’t an issue for me.”

 

You nodded, still feeling a twinge of guilt and the two of you made your way to where the vegetables are. “Alright then. The next thing that’s really good for you is leafy greens. Stuff like broccoli, cabbage, kale-- why are you staring at me like that?”

 

“How do you know all of this?” Bucky frowned curiously.

 

“Well, I work at a clinic. So this isn’t the first time I’ve had to recommend this kind of stuff.” You shrugged nonchalantly and held out a head of broccoli towards him. He nodded and you shoved the vegetable in one of the plastic bags in your hand. “I had to do a lot of research too, for my friend. He had no idea I was doing it, but  _ someone  _ had to take care of him and I was the only one who wasn’t too scared to.”

 

“Scared?”

 

“He had a very… difficult personality.” You chuckled lightly. “It took a certain level of patience to deal with someone of his temperament. I swear sometimes he acted like a wild animal. Besides, he was under the impression that he didn’t need another person’s help to get him through. I’m just glad he changed his mind.”

 

Bucky nodded to himself. He could understand your friend’s initial opinion.  Involving other people with their problems meant giving them an excuse to pry. Giving them an excuse to stick their nose where it didn’t belong. But then, wasn’t that exactly what he was doing with you? Allowing you to nestle yourself into his life and problems as if it were your rightful place?

 

“What made your friend change his mind?”

 

“It wasn’t easy.” You lowered your eyes as you grabbed a couple stalks of kale. “But me and a couple of friends were able to convince him that he didn’t have to go through it alone. That there was nothing wrong with letting people in. Regardless of what struggle we’re going through it’s always nice knowing that you have a friend that will always be there for you when you need them.”

 

You’re eyes met Bucky’s cautiously. Did… was that too obvious? You weren’t lying. You meant what you had said. But would he understand what you meant? That he needed to let people in?

Bucky hummed and moved further down the aisle. “You said cabbage helps too, right?”

 

You deflated as he turned away from you to pick an adequate cabbage. He didn’t get.  _ Of course he didn’t get it.  _ “Y-yeah.”

 

You came up beside him to place the bags in your hands in his basket when he caught your eye. The corners of his mouth lifted minutely, forming into a small almost nonexistent smile. But it was there and you couldn’t help the sudden flutter in your chest.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is SO SHORT. I'm sorry.
> 
> My update are most likely going to be less frequent in order to accommodate for longer chapters.  
> I feel so disappointing with how short this one is.

You came up beside him to place the bags in your hands in his basket when he caught your eye. The corners of his mouth lifted minutely, forming into a small almost nonexistent smile. But it was there and you couldn’t help the sudden flutter in your chest.

 

You pulled away slowly away from him and licked your drying lips. “Fish.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Fish is good for this too. And fish oil. Lots of omega-3s and healthy fats.”

 

“I don’t like fish,” he huffed.

 

You quirked a brow. “Yeah, too much pollution in the ocean anyway. Wouldn’t be surprised if the chemicals were already a part of them.” You clapped your hands together. “So, that’s all I can recall right now.”

 

“Thank you.” He dipped his head in gratitude.

 

You waved dismissively. “Oh, it's no problem.”

 

Bucky wanted to disagree but decided to let it rest. 

 

“I hope you like all of this. I’d hate to have made you buy something you didn’t like to eat.” You grimaced. “That’d be a bummer.”

 

Another quirk of his lips assuaged any remaining guilt. “I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I don’t remember how half of this stuff tastes anyway…” Bucky trailed off and his eyebrows drew together thoughtfully. “Speaking of… I’m not exactly sure what kale and this… swissed charge is.”

 

“Swiss chard,” you laughed lightly. “They’re usually for salads and stuff.”

 

“...Right.”

 

You stifled a laugh and grinned. “You know, Bucky, if you need help with figuring out how to eat it you could just ask. I’m not going to say no.”

 

Bucky hesitated. “It’s alright. I can manage on my own.” He raised his basket up slightly and dipped his head. “Thanks again.”

 

With that Bucky turned his back to you and walked to the checkout.

 

“...no problem,” you sighed, grin faltering.  _ Still no breakthrough. _

You turned away and went over to the soap aisle, your initial reason for having even come to the farmer’s market. You scanned the assortment of dish soaps halfheartedly. You had really hoped he would take up your offer. Most people you met trusted you. Even Logan trusted you after the first week at the school, and he had  _ serious  _ trust issues.

 

You sighed. You never had to gain a person’s trust like this. Back at the school everyone trusted each other. You were all brother and sisters in the grand scheme of things, that’s what the Professor had said. And even after you left to attend college to become an actual nurse most people just thought you were trustworthy. You had just assumed it had to do with your mutation, people just naturally trusted you and your decisions.

 

But Bucky… he obviously had gone through a lot. He didn’t trust anyone. Sometimes, it seemed as though he didn’t even trust himself. He had obviously gone through trauma, maybe even betrayal? Point was, Bucky was a mystery to you and even to himself what with his memory loss. And despite only meeting him not even a week ago you  _ had _ to help him. You didn’t know why, you just knew you had to do it. He needed it.

 

You still had no idea how you knew this. Was it his eyes? The fearful and nearly empty look they had to them when you saw him the first time? The twitching of his fingers and the way his eyes flickered to and fro? Or was it that he reminded you so much of your old friend Logan, that you had the need to reach out? 

 

You shook your head.  _ Enough with the over analyzing. You’ll never get through this if all you ever do is question every little thing. ‘Sides you’ll just have another episode. _

 

You made your way over to the check-out, trying hard to ignore the fact that Bucky was long gone. You made your purchase, let the teen cashier keep the change, and walked out of the store.

 

You dragged your hand down your face. You desperately needed a drink. You took your phone out your pocket and unlocked it. You thumbed over your contacts until you found “Mymy”.

 

**‘are you on break yet?’**

**‘in five minutes yeah’**

**‘why?’**

**“r u okay?’**

**‘yeah im fine’**

**‘just in desprat need of some vanilla chai right about now’**

**‘*desperate’**

**‘tht bad huh?’**

**‘dont worry girl i got u’**

**‘thx. be there in ten’**

**‘k’**

  
You turned left at the corner, content with the prospect of a free chai tea and a chance to vent your frustrations. Myia was truly a blessing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Myia get that drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise update for you guys! Hope you enjoy it~

You all but collapsed into the nearest booth in the cafe. If it weren’t for your wanting to cling on your last shreds of dignity you would have let your head thunk against the tabletop. Not long after, Myia sat across from you, two vanilla chais in hand. She set yours beside you gingerly and took a tentative sip from her’s.

 

“So… I’m guessing this is about Operation:Gain Bucky’s Trust?”

 

You groaned, letting your head fall in your propped up hands. "He’s _impossible._ "

 

Myia shook her head and suppressed a chuckle. “You don’t just gain a person’s trust overnight, ______. It takes time.”

 

“I know that.” You grabbed the tea and took a big gulp, wincing as it burned down your throat. “I just, I’ve always depended on my, _you know_ , and it’s hard not being able to fall back on it. I just want him to be better, I always thought that was what my pow-- what _they_ were for. But now all they’re doing is getting in the freaking way.”

 

Your friend stretched her hand out and grasped yours gently. “I understand that it’s hard, having to hide that part of yourself. I remember how it hard it was for my mom, and she had physical mutations.”

 

Her hand squeezed yours lightly and she sighed. “She was always looking over her shoulder, wearing baggy clothes and scarves on her head. So I know that this is hard for you. But the way I see it, you care about this guy a lot more than I expected. And I know from experience that when you care about someone, you do whatever you can to help them. This time, it’s gonna mean holding back and doing your best to rely on yourself.”

 

You exhaled softly, nodding thoughtfully. “Your wisdom really throws me for a loop sometimes, you know that? But I… I understand. Thanks.”

 

“It’s what friends are for, honey. We were made to knock sense into each other.” She gave your hand another squeeze before pulling it away.

 

You huffed. “ Yeah, yeah, okay.” You blew softly on your tea before taking another sip. “But still, there has to be something I can do that can speed this up a little, right?”

 

“Well.. whenever my mom and I would move from place to place we’d give gifts to our neighbors as a thank you for welcoming us. Definitely helped whenever the cops came around asking questions. The’d always have our backs, especially the old ladies.”

 

You quirked an eyebrow. “So you’re saying I should give him a gift to appeal to his inner old lady?”

 

She snorted. “Yeah, sure. If he has any sort of manners, he’ll be forced to take it.”

 

You raked a hand through your hair. “Doesn’t sound too bad. Now all I have to do is figure out what to get him. I think I have an idea, though.”

 

“Great!” Myia looked down at her watch. “My break’s over in a half hour. Wanna go out for some bourbon chicken?”

 

You perked up instantly. “Yes! I’ve been craving it for days. Take me, take me away to the delicious food of your culture!”

 

She grinned ecstatically and stood up from the booth. “Alright, lemme get my purse.”

 

You all but chugged the rest of your vanilla chai. Bourbon chicken and yellow rice here you come.

 

* * *

 

The two of you sat across from each other, enjoying your hearty meal of bourbon chicken, yellow rice and red beans, and plantain chips. It was one of the most heavenly things you had ever eaten. The sweet tasting chicken along with the spicy seasoning on the plantain chips was decadent and warmed you down to your toes.

 

“So,” Myia munched on a plantain chip. “What _are_ you planning to give him?”

 

“Well, when the Professor was helping Logan out with his memories he tended to get a lot of dreams. Some were good, some bad, but they all had pieces of his past. So I decided to give him a notebook for him to keep track of them. I mean, he already had the Professor to help him sort it out but I thought he’d like some sort of... independence and control when it came to discovering his past. A guy like Bucky, I think he’d appreciate that.”

 

Myia hummed, taking a sip of her mango smoothie. “Makes sense. You really put a lot of thought into all of this haven’t you?”

 

“Well it’s a sensitive condition. Most, if not all people going through that situation feel an overwhelming lack of control in their life. And right now as his… his…”

 

“Nurse,” she offered.

 

“Yeah. As his nurse, it’s my responsibility to give him something he can focus on besides his lack of memories. He needs something that will help him get back on track. Does that make sense?”

 

“Yeah, it does,” she nodded. “But, you know, him getting better isn’t your responsibility. He’s not your patient, ______.”

 

“I-I know. I just…” You sighed, picking at your plate of food with your fork and lowering your gaze. “I feel like I owe him that much, you know?”

 

“Owe him?”

 

“I’m not sure. It’s weird. I just… can’t help but feel like he’s… important somehow?” You brought a hand up to rub your now aching temple. “I think it’s the telepathy, letting me see things that I normally wouldn’t.”

 

“You mean it’s getting stronger?” Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Is that supposed to happen?”

 

“Well, it’s not uncommon. The Professor always said we would gain better control and further our limits as we got older and kept practicing. And it’s been what, six years since I left the school? And the amount of “convincing” I’ve been doing at the hospital lately has been skyrocketing. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was it.”

 

Myia nodded thoughtfully. “Alright, just don’t strain yourself too much. Wouldn’t want you to collapse any time soon.”

 

“Yeah.” You let your hand drop and took another forkful of chicken and rice. You moaned appreciatively. “Man, you guys know how to make good food!”

 

“Thank you,” she chuckled. “Reminds me of home.”

 

“Your mom must have been an amazing cook.”

 

“Yeah,” she sighed wistfully before chuckling. “It’s funny. Her best dish was ackee and saltfish. Basically anything seafood.”

 

“Oh my god, seriously! That’s perfect.” You laughed with her.

 

“Yeah, well. What else can you expect from an island girl with fins and scales?”

 

“That’s priceless.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little insight on Myia's life growing up and her mother's mutation. I had a bit of fun making her a fish lady, her having come from an island nation and all. I imagine her mother having very beautiful dark skin with teal fins on her temples, hips, and ankles. And with teal and turquoise scales running down her shoulder to her wrist and the outer sides of her leg ans the nape of her neck creeping towards her cheek bones. A very beautiful and graceful Jamaican fish mama.  
> Skin like this (and appearance of you'd like though I imagine her thicker) > http://gerwell.deviantart.com/art/Hieraconism-3-252050618  
> Aand scales and fins this color > https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/65/ba/cf/65bacf7243fb9bc9c408500cfabb6628.jpg
> 
> Also have you guys ever eaten bourbon chicken?! IT IS THE MOST DELICIOUS THING TO HAVE EVER GRACED MY TASTE BUDS. Seriously, Jamaican food is the bomb.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long-ish (what do you guys consider long anyway?) update to make up for almost a week of inactivity. I'mma be honest. Ii had a really bad writer's lock when it came to this chapter but thankfully I made my way through it.
> 
> Also, a bit of self promo here. I have a tumblr account. If you guys have any questions or comments feel free to drop an ask.
> 
> midnight-eclipses.tumblr.com

It was afternoon, you had long since finished your lunch with Myia and dropped your dish soap off at your apartment. Now you were at an office supply store, trying to decide whether to get the red leather notebook or the black leather notebook. Both seemed pretty masculine enough, but it didn’t seem to fit Bucky. You chewed on your bottom lip. There had to be something better. You set down both notebooks and walked further down the aisle. Just as you were about to turn the corner a splash of navy blue caught your attention. You stopped in front of the stack of notebooks and lifted one from the pile. It was a leather notebook with a rich navy color and an elastic band that wrapped around the edge to keep it shut.

 

You slipped the band of the front and cracked open the notebook. You flipped through the crisp pages, satisfied with the number of sheets there were and the spacing between the lines. This one would do. You placed the notebook into your basket and went onto the next aisle.

 

You grabbed a six pack of black, blue, and red gel pens. Further down you grabbed a pack of post-it notes and plastic tabs.  _ That should be it.  _ With a satisfied nod you walked over to the checkout and made your purchase.

 

As you stepped out the store your phone rang in your back pocket. You grabbed it quickly and took a look at the caller-id. You frowned, not recognizing the number, and answered.

 

“Hello?”

 

“______?”

 

You stopped at the sound of Bucky’s voice. “Yeah? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

 

“I…” Bucky’s breath shuddered and you tightened your grip on the plastic bag you were holding. “I can’t… it’s too…”

 

“You’re having a panic attack,” you deduced, feeling your own heartbeat pick up its pace. “Just concentrate on your breathing. Stay in the present for me.”

 

Bucky grunted on the other end and you heard the sound of metal groaning under pressure. “Go on. Breath in. Good. Hold it. And breath out. That’s perfect keep doing that.”

 

You crossed the arm holding the shopping bag over your chest, hugging yourself slightly.  _ Keep it together, ______. He’s having a panic attack, not you.  _ “Do me a favor, bud. Do you think you can tell me where you are? It’ll give you something to concentrate on.” You bit your lip, trying to reign your emotions. You were  _ not  _ about to be triggered by his panic attack.

 

“I’m on… shit, I don’t… I’m next to a bus stop… There’s a liquor store and, uh… I’m in an old telephone booth.”

 

You knew exactly where that was, there were only two old telephone booths in the town and the only other one was near the library. You quickly crossed the street and run down towards the next block. “That’s great. Keep breathing, alright? In and out like I told you.”

 

Bucky’s shuddering breath sounded on the other end of the line. Your own breath joined his slowing pace as you rushed down the block. “That’s perfect. Just stay on the line for me.”

 

You turned right at an intersection, three blocks down was the booth stood inside of. You could see him hunched over the phone, his left hand clenching tightly on the machine.

 

“So I got you something just right now,” you started conversationally, hoping your voice would help pull him out of the panic attack. “Some things that I think might help. Just some notebooks for you to write down whatever you might remember.”

Bucky grunted loudly and you watched as his form hunched even lower in the booth. You cursed under your breath and ran the remaining blocks.

  
  


Bucky became more agitated at your mentioning his memory. He was remembering all right, there were too many memories. Memories of missions and torture and that blasted chair flashing behind his eyelids as they screw shut. He was vaguely aware of his left hand crushing the top of the telephone. If it weren’t for the once again rapid beating of his heart pounding in his ears he would have heard the fabric of his shirt rip beneath his jacket. 

He heard fast approaching footsteps and the sound of the telephone booth door sliding open. His left arm swung faster than he could stop it and he felt metal give way beneath it. His chest heaved and his eyes flickered everywhere, vision blurring in and out of focus. 

 

“Bucky?” 

 

His vision snapped into focus and his heart lurched almost painfully. You had ducked in time to just barely be missed by his arm. Your own hands gripped your phone and plastic bag tightly. Your eyes were wide and flitted from his gloved left hand to his face. Bucky swallowed thickly.

 

“I…” He pried his fingers off the metal frame and fliched as it creaked.  _ This is it. She’s going to run away and call the police.  _ **_She knows who you are and you’ll have to run again. You have to leave, you have to stop her. Don’t let her take away the little freedom you have left. Don’t let her--_ **

 

His thoughts stopped short at the feeling of your hands on either side of his face.  _ What? _

  
  


You hadn’t meant to touch him. It wasn’t your intention to sway him. But you were stressed out and so was he and you were on the verge of your own panic attack the moment he swung at you. You had to calm him down and you knew you weren’t going to able to do it without your abilities so here you both were standing in the doorway of an old crumpled telephone booth with your hands on his face and whispering at him to calm down.

 

“H-hey, j-just calm down.” You swallowed thickly and took a deep breath in and out. “Just take a breath and let the tension seep out of you.”

  
  


Bucky listened to the sound of your voice. He felt like a spring under pressure, his muscles coiling together. But the moment you told him to take a breath and he felt your thumbs rubbing circles on his cheekbones he felt it all seep out. His shoulders slumped slightly and his head bowed lower, making it easier for you to rub his face with your fingers.

 

“You okay now?” Your eyes searched his as he nodded.

 

“...Yes.”

  
  


Your hands left his face and you didn’t know what to do with them. You opted to grab your phone and bag off the floor. You had dropped them so that you could touch Bucky. You shuffled nervously and licked your lips. He crumpled the side of the phone booth like it was nothing.

 

“Sorry for startling you just now.”

 

Bucky nodded once more and dug his hands into his pockets. “S’okay. Wasn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have…”

 

Your eyes went to the dent. How had he even… “So do you, uh, lift weights or something?” Okay that was lame. Bucky eyed you warily as you observed the indents in the dent from his fingers.

 

“Are you two alright there?”

 

The two of you flinched and turned to look at an old man with his mouth agape. It was Stan, the elderly man that had nearly run over Bucky only five days ago.

 

You chuckled nervously. “Sorry you had to see that Stan. My friend was just having a, uh…”

 

Stan raised his hand to silence you and shot a look at Bucky. “D’you serve in the army, son?”

 

Bucky made a noise in the back of his throat.

 

“Say no more, son.”  Stan shook his head. “I served ‘42 to ‘45. I know what a panic attack looks like.” He approached the two of you and placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “It’ll get easier, I promise.”

 

Stan looked at you now retracting his hand. “You two take care of eachother, you hear? And I wouldn’t worry too much about the phone booth. Damned thing is older than I am.” The two of you nodded mutely as he turned around and walked to his truck.

  
  


Bucky clenched and unclenched his metal fist at his side. Did you… did you not notice the force he had put behind that punch? The whole booth tilted in an arrow shape pointing to the left. There was no way you were that dense.

 

“Stan’s right,” you turned to look back at him. “This thing’s been here since the 1800s. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was ready to collapse even before you wrecked it.”

 

Okay maybe you were. He decided not to question it. Most people this century weren’t observant, which was very convenient for him. He simply nodded.

 

You turned around and began heading towards your apartment.“C’mon, the last thing I want is the cops to think we trashed the thing.” You looked over your shoulder at him.

 

“...I did.”

 

“Yeah,” you snorted. “But do you want them to find out?”

  
Bucky silently put the phone on the receiver and went after you.


	13. Chapter 13

You ignored that massive show of strength from Bucky. You ignored the fact that you were inviting a person who nearly killed you to your apartment. Because god damn it you were not even going to entertain the idea of him having super powers. You really weren’t. You refused to even consider the possibility. He was a normal guy with a not so normal life with a serious and perfectly normal mental disorder. He was  _ not  _ an enhanced or a mutant or whatever the hell he looked like he might be. It would only make things harder. It would be too dangerous.

 

Besides, he didn’t kill you. That’s what counts, right?  _ My expectations of a friendship are really concerning.  _ Besides, it’s not like you’d let him. You could knock him out with a single touch. Although you’d really prefer not having to.  _ Yeah, definitely not. _

 

You peered over your shoulder. Bucky was still following you but he hadn’t noticed you staring. Instead he stared pensively down at the ground, hair falling loose from beneath his cap and shielding his face. You wondered what he was thinking. What had even triggered his panic attack?

 

“Where are we going?”

 

You turned your head away from him. “My place. Figured you’d might want somewhere safe to unwind. If you don’t mind, that is. We could always go somewhere else.”

 

You heard Bucky’s footsteps halt. You turned around to look at him. “...You trust me to go to your house? After what I did?”

 

“The way I see it,” you started with a shrug. “Nobody got hurt. That’s all that matters to me. Besides I can hold my own.”

 

Bucky wanted to disagree so badly. But when was the last time a person hadn’t been afraid of him? Even sometimes when he walked the streets he’d see the way women would hold on to their children’s hands tighter and how some even crossed the street to avoid crossing his path. If he was being rational, it was convenient. The more people avoided him, the least likely they were to try to recognize him. The less he had to worry about hiding his face or fidgeting with his left coat sleeve. Really, it was an advantage. But sometimes he couldn’t help the hollow feeling that would settle in his chest. Having escaped Hydra’s clutches all he really wanted was to discover who he was and try to live a normal life. He was pretty sure it wasn’t normal to hear mother’s to tell their children not to stare at him or hear the occasional hispanic parent tell their child that if they didn’t behave he would take them. (He still wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cringe at being treated like some type of boogey man. The hispanic culture had a strange way with dealing with their children). He nodded his assent and continued following you, lagging a few paces because he still couldn’t trust himself not to be triggered another time, to your apartment.

 

“...Thank you.” His voice was quiet and if it weren’t for the relative silence of the street you wouldn’t have heard it. “You didn’t have to come, but you did. So thanks.”

 

“No problem.” Your lips tilted into a small smile. “Anyone would have done the same, no one should have to go through something like that alone.”

 

Bucky wasn’t too sure about that. Not many people would go out of their way to comfort a stranger. Most people just minded their own business, figuring they already had their own problems and those of a complete stranger would only waste their time and energy. But then, you weren’t most people.

 

“Have you?” He walked beside you now, having picked up his pace after feeling some of the edge he felt earlier subside while he listened to the constant falls of your feet against the sidewalk. He immediately regretted having said those words as he saw the way you grimaced.

 

“Yeah, a couple of times when I was a kid and when I recently started college. But in highschool I had this professor, he was really good at helping students with mental disorders and stuff. And then I met Myia, the lady who works at the cafe, in my freshman year of college so yeah.” You licked your lips despite your mouth becoming dry. “Thankfully not so much.”

 

“Good,” he stared down at you with an earnest expression.

 

Your eyes flickered up to meet his and you smiled slightly.

  
  


The two of you reached your apartment complex and Bucky felt a wave of uncertainty wash over him. Was this even a good idea? He hadn’t intended to become so familiar around you. Which made him feel terrible considering how much you had helped him despite knowing him for less than a week.

 

You took your key out and unlocked the entrance to the building. You held the door open for Bucky. He hesitated before taking the door in his hand and following you. You winced slightly as you turned to the elevator.

 

“Sorry if this feels kind of sudden, inviting you over and all. I just figured it’s better than staying in the street or going to the cafe.” You pushed the up button for the elevator and shuffled beside Bucky. He had his hands deep in his pockets. You had a feeling he wasn’t sure of himself yet and you knew he was still jumpy from his episode. It could take up to hours to settle down from a panic attack that intense. Thankfully you had been able to get rid of most pf his pent up energy and adrenaline. 

 

“No, no it’s… It’s better than the cafe. Too much noise.”

 

“Heh, yeah.” The elevator doors slid open and the two of you walked in. “It’s pretty popular with the locals.”

 

Bucky hummed in response, letting his eyes wander to the light above the doors that indicated what floor the two of you were. At the third floor the doors opened for the two of you. You went ahead of him; leading him to your door, 3G. He watched as you slid the key into the lock and opened it, it helped, observing your movements. They were precise and oddly graceful and helped keep his mind off the phantom pains in his left arm and the slowing thud of his heartbeat.

 

You opened the door and let him inside. “Home, sweet home.”

 

Your apartment wasn’t extravagant or sloppy. In fact there were a couple odds and ends strewn about furniture or tabletops and shelves.  Like a damp towel draped over the back of your couch and some notebooks and textbooks on the coffee table. Bucky found it oddly comforting. It was lived in, cozy even, and it helped him settle down a bit more. When he was with Hydra all he saw were blank gray and white walls and his reflection in the cryochamber. He couldn’t remember having any luxuries or comforts that you seemed to have in your home.

 

“You’re free to use the shower if it helps. I usually take long baths to calm down. I could make you tea too if you’d like. Actually you probably want dinner, it’s almost eight. I can order.”

 

Bucky blinked, taken aback by your rambling. He really hoped he wasn’t making you nervous or uncomfortable. You  _ had  _ invited him over. Didn’t that mean you were comfortable with him?

 

_ There’s a difference between chatting over coffee and actually going to her house,  _ he reminded himself.  _ You’re a strange guy that she barely knows, of course she’s nervous. _

 

You perked suddenly as a thought occurred to you. “Have you ever tried Jamaican food?” 

 

“Can’t say that I have.” He shook his head, one corner of his mouth tilting up slightly. “S’it any good?”

  
“‘Psh, ‘is it any good?’ It’s the best!” You took your phone and began dialing. “You haven’t lived if you haven’t eaten bourbon chicken with yellow rice, red beans, and spicy plantain chips. You can go ahead and freshen up, the towels are in the basket on the bottom of the shelves in the bathroom. Feel free to use whatever you need, really. The bathroom is down the hallway, first door on the left.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that little thing I added about Hispanic parents threatening their children like that. It is 100% true. Discipline of children comes in it's basic three forms; belt, sandal, or threats of the boogey man or strange men.
> 
> Like, no lie my mom would do this.  
> "Si no te comportes te va a llevar el hombre!" *proceeds to point at random man minding his own business*  
> And let's be honest, despite Bucky just being a fluffy ball of angst, sadness, and too much kindness, that hobo look ain't helping him. So any hispanic women/parents with kids high off of bolis or lollipops is gonna use his appearance to her advantage when issuing a threat. Just sayin', it's effective.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late night update because I finished this one early.

Bucky hesitated before deciding that yes, a shower would be good now. Great even. He followed your instructions and found himself in a small bathroom. Like the rest of your apartment, it wasn’t luxurious but cozy. He was beginning to wonder what that said about you but then stopped himself.  _ There’s no point in getting attached to someone you’re going to leave behind, _ he thought. As much as he wanted to settle down already it had only been a few months since the fall of HYDRA, since the man on the bridge, Steve. How couldn’t risk staying in the U.S. for much longer. He would have to leave the country eventually and that most definitely meant leaving you.

 

Bucky sighed and went over to turn on the faucets to your shower. Thankfully they weren’t too hard to figure out. After getting the temperature he wanted, warm just bordering on hot, he began removing the several layers of clothing he had on. He shrugged off his jacket and draped it over the sink. A silvery reflection in the mirror made him freeze. The seam of his sleeve was ripped at the shoulder, revealing the metal arm beneath it. He must have ripped it during his episode. He had to fix it soon. He didn’t have many long sleeved shirts his size. Maybe you could-- no, you were a nurse, not a seamstress and he couldn’t risk you seeing his arm.

 

With a huff he removed his shirt, as carefully as possible so as to not further rip the tear in the sleeve, revealing his torso and marred skin at the junction of the left side of his chest and shoulder. His right hand came up to trace at the sweltered skin at the edge. He wondered why despite his accelerated healing factor, there were still scars that remained. It was just another reminder of what Hydra had done to him. With that thought, Bucky removed the rest of his clothing and got under the warm water streaming from the shower head.

 

He could practically feel the remaining tension seep out of him as the jet of water poured down on top his head and trickled down over his shoulders and back. You were right, showers really did help. He allowed his eyes to slide shut as the steam of the water rolled around him. He was safe here.

 

Bucky rolled his shoulders and turned his back to the showerhead as he grabbed the shampoo. He quirked an eyebrow as he read the  front of the bottle, “eucalyptus and spearmint aromatherapy shower gel”. He squirted some into his hands and worked it into a lather on his shoulders, the smell instantly relaxing him.

  
  


The moment you finished placing the order at the restaurant you frantically sent a text to Myia.

 

**i screwed up**

**im freaking out right now**

**mymy**

**myia**

Five minutes later came her response.

 

**ogmygod whay**

**r u ok???**

**yes**

**no**

**idk**

**hes in my apt.**

**who?**

**Bucky??**

**YES**

**is tht bad**

**okay wait**

**why is he there**

**he was having a panic attack and he called me**

**so i went to help him**

**and now hes taking a shower in my apt.**

**woah**

**thts amazing**

**how did you hekp him through it?**

**how long did it take?**

 

You cringed, typing out your response.

**uhm...**

**about tht**

**you didnt**

**i did**

**my god ______**

**i know**

**why????**

**he got violent**

**AND YOU LET HIM INTO YOUR APT???**

**dont you capitalize your letters at me**

**i have it under control**

**im just more concernes about our plan**

**…**

**well... you did it for good cause**

**so…?**

**it’ll complicate things**

**but it can still work**

**u think so?**

**yeah.**

**alright**

**thx**

**…**

**sorry for stressing you out**

**its fine**

**stay safe**

**call me if you need me**

**srsly**

**k**

**thx mymy**

**love you**

**love you too**

 

You put your phone down on the coffee table and plopped down on your couch. You were going to be fine. Bucky’s a nice guy. Besides, if he tried anything you had the upper hand. Of course, you doubted it would ever come to that.

 

The door to the bathroom clicked open and you  sat up. Bucky walked in with all layers of his clothing on, including the jacket, and towel drying his hair with his right hand the other was in his pocket. He dipped his head at you in thanks upon seeing you.

 

“You can hang up your jacket if you want. The food won’t be here for another ten minutes.”

 

Bucky froze. “Can’t, my shirt is ripped,” he answered curtly.

 

You stood up, eyebrows drawing together slightly. “I can fix it for you. I’m a nurse after all, sewing is practically my skill set. Well, technically it’s suturing but same difference.” You walked past him and to the bathroom where you kept your sewing kit. You pulled out a spool of burgundy thread that matched his henley and a needle. 

 

“I think I have a couple of men’s shirts you can borrow in the guest room,” you called out. “They belong to a friend of mine so they might be a bit big but it’ll only take me a few minutes. There’s a couple of long sleeved ones if you’re cold by the way.”

  
Bucky swallowed thickly. If he refused you would insist and he really was not in the mood to rush out of your apartment and back to the homeless shelter. And you offered a shirt, a long sleeve shirt. Maybe if he kept his hand in his pocket he could play it off. Bringing the towel with him so he could finish drying his hair, he walked into what he assumed was the guest room. There was a bed with plain grey bed sheets, a bedside table with a lamp, and a dresser. He went up to the dresser and pulled open one of the drawers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys guess which friend the Reader was referring to?
> 
> P.S. I'm a sap for bff's saying how much they love each other. Platonic love is such a pure thing, I can't.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of you guys guessed the friend right! :)  
> It was Piotr (Pronounced Pyoter) Rasputin AKA Colossus.

You were sitting back on the couch, just having gotten the thread through the eye of the needle when Bucky came in wearing one of Piotr’s sweaters. A grin wormed it’s way onto your face, the shirt was loose on Bucky’s frame. Which was hilarious considering his broad chest and soldiers. But then Piotr was built like a fricking Russian bear so it shouldn’t have been a surprise. His shirt made Bucky looked like the youngest sibling surviving off of hand-me-downs.

 

You bit your lip to stifle a laugh as Bucky passed you his ripped shirt, causing the collar of Piotr’s shirt to dip lower than it was socially acceptable. It gave you a nice view of his clavicles and pectorals though. Something you never believed you would have the fortune to witness. Since when did you begin wanting to see him shirtless? You ignored that thought and took the shirt from his hand to begin sewing the sizable rip that almost completely severed the sleeve from the shirt itself. Why had he even let it get this bad before deciding to do something about it?

 

As you began sewing the shirt you glanced up to see Bucky standing awkwardly in front of you. He turned his eyes away when the two of you made eye contact.

 

“You can sit next to me if you want.” Bucky clenched his right hand shakily before releasing it. He was still jumpy and you really wished you could settle him down some more but it would only make things too obvious. You would just have to do this the old fashioned way. “You’re welcome in my home, Bucky. You don’t have to worry about manners and all of that useless stuff they drill into your head growing up. Mi casa es tú casa. Honestly, do whatever makes you comfortable.”

 

Bucky could feel his chest constrict. It wasn’t the type of tightness he usually felt when he was scared or angry or just plain tired. It felt… fuzzy and warm? He couldn’t place an exact description on it, he’s have to contemplate it later. 

 

**Or just don’t. You’ll only leave eventually. What’s the point in figuring this out when you’ll only leave it behind like everything else?**

 

Bucky licked his lips and let out a sigh, he moved to the sit on your left on the couch, wanting to get that voice in his head to just shut the hell up and let him enjoy something, even if it was something as mundane as a beautiful dame sewing his shirt.

 

He felt a stirring in his chest at the sight of your lips softening into a gentle smile and your eyes averting down to focus on your task. He noticed how your tongue stuck a bit out between your teeth.

 

You were halfway through your work when there was a knock at the door.You flinched, resulting in pricking your finger and Bucky seizing up on the couch. You had a passing thought of him looking like a wildcat ready to pounce. You cursed and put down the shirt, needle, and thread to put pressure on your forefinger. It wasn’t a bad, just a tiny stab but it still stung. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine, just need to put on a band-aid.” You headed over to the bathroom where you also kept your first aid kit. There was another knock on the door that made you pause. “That’s probably the food.” You backtracked, figuring you could ignore your bleeding finger until you got the food.

 

Having known your intentions Bucky held his right hand up. “I got it.”

 

You raised your eyebrows in question. “Are you sure, it’s only a little cut.”

 

“It’s fine, go patch that up.”

 

You noted that it wasn’t a request and nodded. “Okay, um, my purse is on the kitchen counter. There’s a twenty in there.”

 

Bucky nodded and waited for you head off to the bathroom before reaching in his back pocket for the roll of money he had stuffed back there. He went up to the door, finally allowing his left hand to come out of his pocket and open the door. He was met with the face of an awkward teenager who looked overworked and underpaid but then that wasn’t his business. He just handed him the money, with his right hand of course, let the kid keep the change and brought the food in after closing the door.

 

He took a whiff of the food and sighed. It smelled delicious, he could only imagine what it would taste like.

 

He heard you coming back from the bathroom and he immediately stuffed his left hand back in his pocket, suddenly grateful of the sleeves being too long and covering his wrist completely. You entered the room, a new cupcake band-aid on your finger and a suppressed smile, He couldn’t help but feel that you were amused by the way this shirt fit on him. He would have found it amusing too if he didn’t have to constantly make sure it didn’t slip off his left shoulder.

 

“Man, the food smells even better than lunchtime.” You rubbed your hands together before heading over to sit across from Bucky at the kitchen counter. You pulled a stool out from underneath and sat down. “You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

 

Bucky flickered his eyes up to met your gaze as he set the food down on the counter in front of you. “Do what?”

 

“Pay for the food.” You opened the bag, and took out the two containers of food and two cans of Coca-Cola. “You didn’t have to.”

 

“Yes, I did.” Bucky sat down on the stool on the other side of his counter, pulling both hands to rest comfortably in his lap and out of your view. “ You’ve done more than enough for me these past few days already it’s only fair I repay some of your kindness.”

 

You decided not to push further and passed him his fork. You watched as he opened his box gently and took a deep breath in. He closed his eyes, allowing the delicious smell of bourbon and spices engulf his senses. Opening his eyes, he was quick to stab a piece of chicken with his plastic fork and bring it to his mouth. You beamed as his eyes widened and his eyebrows rose upwards.

 

“Well?” 

 

Bucky swallowed his bite and looked down reverently at his food. He speared another piece of chicken and lifted it up to his face. “This… is the best thing I’ve ever eaten… I think.” He added the last part sullenly but ate the chicken which immediately filled his mouth with a sweet flavor and his stomach with warmth, a;; but forgetting the empty feeling he usually felt whenever he thought of his lacking memory.

 

“I told you it was good,” you replied smugly, digging into your carton of food. You scooped up a generous amount of rice and brought it into our mouth. You hummed blissfully at the hearty taste of yellow rice and red beans. This without a doubt was the best food in town, which was fitting considering the restaurant’s name was _'Best In Town'_. “My first time trying Jamaican was when Myia brought me there. I’ve been in love with their food ever since.”

  
Bucky picked a plantain off of his plate and popped it into his mouth. “So am I.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief update that will hopefully speed things up.

Satisfied with the meal, you had quickly gone back to sewing Bucky’s shirt back up. In only five minutes you had fastened off the last bit of thread and were admiring your handiwork, making sure every stitch was fastened tightly. Once you were satisfied you passed it back to Bucky who was sitting to your left on the couch.

 

Bucky took the shirt with his right hand, rubbing his thumb over it. The stitching was firm and thick and unlikely to break again under normal circumstances, course he was far from a normal circumstance but he was grateful either way for the sturdiness of the new thread.

 

“Thank you.” His eyes met yours evenly. 

 

“It’s no-”

 

“No,” he cut you off, voice firm. “No, it’s not nothing. You’ve been so- so  _ nice  _ to me for reasons I can’t even begin to understand, and all I’ve done is pay twenty bucks for food I didn’t even order.” Bucky clenched his fist around the henley, careful not to ruin your work.

 

“That’s not true,” you argued. “You’ve done plenty for me too.” You leaned back against the sofa, setting the spool of thread aside, needle tucked safely in it. Bucky frowned, unsure of what you were referring to.

 

“You got me breakfast, you came to check on me after my panic attack, you trusted me to help you, you payed for dinner, that was pretty cavalier of you.” You placed your hand over Bucky’s, mindful of his skin and only touching the sleeve that bunched loosely around his wrist. “You’re putting just as much effort, Bucky. Don’t sell yourself so short.”

 

He looked down at your hand above his, and for some strange reason he was wishing the skin of your palm would touch him and reassure him. But instead he nodded and allowed himself a mall smile as your fingers curled into his sleeve. He supposed that was good enough.

 

“Speaking of you doing a lot of effort. I was thinking,” you removed your hand and began twiddling your fingers. “You had a pretty rough day from what I could tell and you must be tired. You can… stay here, if you want. You can stay in the spare room.”

 

You turned your eyes away. “I just figured you’d rather not walk back home this late.” In reality it wasn’t so late, it was 7:29 and the sun was still up, and the town was hardly dangerous. But you wouldn’t be able to sleep if Bucky went off leaving you to wonder if he had made it home without another incident.

 

“Are you sure?” Bucky shifted uncomfortably next to you, hoping you’d change your mind and retract your offer. Of course, he could always say no, but he was finding it increasingly harder to deny your kindness.

 

Your eyes turned back to his. “Yeah, why not?”

 

He let a sharp breath out through his nose and leaned back onto the couch beside you. “I can think of plenty of reasons why not to stay.”

 

“What reasons?”

 

“You already know what I’m talking about.” He turned his head away from you and sighed. “It’s not safe.”

 

You raised your eyebrows. “You mean your nightmares? Are your episodes usually violent?”

 

Bucky sat silently on the couch, turning the shirt over in his hand and that was enough of an answer. You tucked your hair behind your ear and frowned. The more you learned about Bucky and his past the more he reminded you of Logan. You supposed it made things a bit easier for you to work around it, but you could only imagine how damaged he was.

“Well,” you started. “If it’s my safety you’re worried about I can defend myself pretty well.”

 

“I can’t” Bucky stood up with a huff and headed down to the bathroom. “I have to go, I’ll give you your friends shirt back.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question. What do you guys think about the length of my chapters? Or my writing for that matter? Is it descriptive enough? Should I add a little more oomph?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. :/

It was another week until you saw Bucky again. He had left your apartment in a hurry, jacket, cap and leather gloves all on as he headed out. It was during those seven days that you really wished you had asked him for his number. You had asked Myia every morning if she had seen him during breakfast and thankfully she would say yes. That was your only way of knowing he was at least in town, even if he did always leave the cafe before you came in. You still didn’t understand how he was able to elude you in such a small town for so long. He was such a big guy! You’d think you would have seen him eventually but apparently your luck was worse than you thought.

 

You couldn’t help but feel like you had offended him or pushed too hard. You had just told him that he could do whatever he was comfortable with and then you almost insisted that he’d stayed in your apartment. Okay, _maybe_ you were being dramatic, but you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt every time he crossed your mind, which was a lot. 

 

It was those thoughts that made your shift at the clinic seem much longer and much more straining. You were constantly making mistakes, -you had nearly given a patient a blood transfusion instead of an iron infused IV drip by accident for crying out loud- so much so that the patients became irritable with you and you were forced to use your powers to settle them down. It nearly took you fifteen minutes to settle down a Mrs. Winthrop at the maternity ward yesterday.

 

Which was why you were entering the cafe this morning rubbing your temples as you walked through the double doors. If only you could sway yourself into easing the tension in your neck, head, and shoulders. With a huff you came to the front of the line and gave Myia a tight smile.

 

“Hey, Mymy.” You rubbed your fingers through your hair and on the side of your head. “I could really use some coffee and a muffin right about now.”

 

“No need, Mr.Dark and Brooding over there already ordered you a breakfast and coffee.” She cocked her head towards yours and Bucky’s booth ( _your’s and Bucky’s_ , you’d think more about that later, when you weren’t on the verge of having your headache level up into a migraine). “Are you okay?”

 

“No. This week’s shifts are killing me, you already know why.” You leaned your forearms on the counter, not worrying about holding up the line seeing as there was none. 

 

Myia sighed and placed the back of her palm against your forehead. “Damn, you’re nearly burning up. Are you going to work today?”

 

“I have to,” you sighed. “The landlord hiked up the rent price again. I have to work a couple hours overtime this week to catch up.”

 

“You know, you could always room with me again. I get pretty good pay here and an extra room. I’m sure the two of us can make more than enough for an apartment.”

 

“Thanks, Mymy,” you smiled. “I really appreciate the offer but I don’t think--”

 

“Ah, ah, ah.” Myia held her hand up in front of your face. “Don’t answer until you really thought this through. Now go eat breakfast, you’re boyfriend’s waiting for you.”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend, Myia.” You huffed and turned your head to see Bucky staring at the two of you. You smiled at him before turning your head back to Myia who had already opened her mouth to form a retort. “Stop it. Not one word.”

 

“Please, I don’t gotta say anything.”

 

You groaned and turned around, waving her off and going over to the booth where Bucky and two bags of food and coffee waited for you patiently. You smiled at him, still strained, but in a much better mood knowing he had finally decided to show up. And with breakfast! You really hoped it wasn’t an apology. He shouldn’t be apologizing.

 

“Hey.” He tilted his head to look up at you as you approached the bench across from him in the booth.

 

“Hi, Buck.” You sat across from him and smiled. “Didn’t expect to see you this morning.” 

 

“Yeah,” He looked down at his hands then up at you. “Bought you breakfast.”

 

“Yeah, Myia just told me. Thank you.” Suddenly remembering your shopping trip last week, you turned to grab something out of your purse. “You know I, uh, never had the chance to give you this.”

 

You pulled the navy notebook out of your purse along with the pack of pens and sticky notes. Bucky glanced between you and the gift dumbfounded.

 

“I got it for you because I thought you’d might want a way to keep track of everything you remember along the way. And if you ever need a reminder of how much progress you’ve done all you have to do is read through it.” You looked at him hopefully as he took the notebook in his hands, turning it over.

 

“You… thank you.” Bucky teared his eyes off of the notebook to look at you.

 

“You don’t have to thank me, Bucky.” You reached out to grab his gloved hand and squeezed it. “You deserve the best.”

 

He looked down at your hands and sighed lightly. “I’m not so sure about that, but thank you.”

 

You swiped your thumb over the back of his hands once before pulling away. “So how was your week?”

 

You grabbed the paper bag in front of you and smiled. He got you a pressed sandwich and a muffin. You pulled the sandwich out first and took a generous bite, humming as the cheese and bread practically melted in your mouth.

 

“Spent most of it job hunting.” Bucky tucked the notebook and pens inside his jacket. “You?”

 

“Horrible. The patients won’t give me a break. I had to give one of them a sedative because they wouldn’t stop trying to tell me how to do my job.” You took another bite from your sandwich, a bit more vicious than you intended.

 

Bucky quirked an eyebrow and took out a sandwich of his own. “Are you allowed to do that?”

 

“Probably not, but it’s better than listening to that crap all day.” You reached out to grab your coffee and took a sip, just how you liked it. You wondered if it was Bucky who ordered it that way or if it was Mymy who made it that way for you. ““There’s a reason I’m the nurse and not you ma’am now let me put in the IV before you die of dehydration.” I swear if I didn’t actually like my job I’d’ve quit after the first month.”

 

“How long have you been a nurse?” 

 

“Three years now. Well, technically seven.”

 

“Technically?” Bucky drew a sip from his coffee.

 

You nodded. “Yeah, I volunteered a lot at the nurse’s office back in high school.  _ A lot. _ Whenever he was under the weather I would take his place. My community service hours were through the roof by the end of senior year. It’s funny though, I actually didn’t consider taking it up as a profession until I was enrolling into college.”

 

Bucky smiled and looked down at his hand, internally wishing he could share with you what he could without arousing suspicion. He had told you he had lost his memory, which was true, he had no idea what had happened during the seventy plus years he had spent as a pawn of Hydra, but he couldn’t exactly start rattling off details about his old life in the forties without you reacting. You’d probably think he was on the brink of some breakthrough.

 

“That’s impressive. Don’t think I could accomplish that much in such a short time.”

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” you smiled at Bucky. “You’re pretty amazing yourself. Not to mention a bonafide gentleman. ” You sipped your cup with an air of finality and Bucky couldn’t help the chuckle that poured out of his lips as he shook his head.

 

“Thanks, doll, but I don’t think being a gentleman qualifies as a life accomplishment at this point. Not when it should be a universal concept in this day and age.”

 

You smiled at the term of endearment and chuckled. “You’d be surprised. I’ve met plenty of jerks in my life.”

 

Bucky let himself relax and slouched back against the booth, drumming his left hand on his thigh and fondling his cup of coffee in his right. “Why do I get the feeling they weren’t such a problem for you?”

 

“Yeah, well, drunk frat boys are hardly a threat when you know what bones to break and how to knock them out while managing to make it look like an accident,” you blurted out. You instantly regretted that and grimaced as you took a long sip from your coffee, avoiding Bucky’s eyes.

 

_ Way to make thing awkward, ______. _

  
Your eyes snapped up at the sound of Bucky laughing. Honest to god laughing and you couldn’t help the smile that threatened to take over your face.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weeks following the impromptu breakfast with Bucky, you found that he was a lot more comfortable with your presence.

The weeks following the impromptu breakfast with Bucky, you found that he was a lot more comfortable with your presence. Conversations over muffins at the bakery were longer and less one-sided, he even smiled a whole lot more. One time he even called you because he wanted to go to Best in Town but had no idea where it was. You took that opportunity to introduce him to ox tail stew.

 

Although his nightmares were still frequent, he always called. You found that especially surprising, usually your sway would only last a day or two if you didn’t establish a timed command. He would call you of his own volition, and you couldn’t help but feel a little giddy every time an unknown number called you. It seemed as though he always called from a different phone, you decided not to pry. Besides it was always a pleasant surprise when you heard Bucky’s voice and not a random car insurance company or the IRS.

 

You had also noticed the past few days, whenever you entered the bakery and Bucky was there before you, he would be furiously scribbling in his notebooks. You always smiled whenever you caught him carefully selecting a neon tab and meticulously placing them on whatever page he was on. It was endearing seeing how much progress and effort he was making.

 

As you sat down today in front of him with coffees and muffins for the two of you, you realized there were very few pages left untouched, probably only ten.

 

“Wow, you've nearly filled that whole thing!” You placed his coffee and muffin beside him and  smiled. “You’ve made a lot of progress in only, what, two months?”

 

Bucky sighed and tucked his notebook in his jacket. “It’s a work in progress.”

 

You nodded and watched as Bucky tugged on his shirt collar. “Don’t you feel hot in that thing? It’s July and you’re still wearing all those clothes!”

 

Bucky lifted his coffee up to his lips, averting his eyes, and took a gulp. “I’m fine. How’s work?”

 

You pursed your lips at the sudden change of topic but answered anyway. “Still working over time. I get out at ten today.” You pulled a muffin out of the paper bag and began peeling off the wrapper.

 

Bucky’s eyes met yours eyebrows raised in surprise. “You have to drive from work at ten at night?”

 

“Nah, I walk. When your rent is as high as mine you find that walking is  _ much _ more economic.”

 

“You’ve been walking home alone at night all this time?” Bucky set his coffee down, lips pressed into a thin line.

 

You blinked. “...yes?”

 

Bucky sighed heavily and lifted his coffee again. “That’s it, I’m walking you home.”

 

You snorted. “Bucky, it’s fine, I walk home all the time. This town is the safest place I know.”

 

“There’s no way I’m letting you walk home in the dark.”

 

“There’s plenty of street lights,” you argued.

 

“Nope. Not happening, sweetheart.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I can take care of myself Bucky.” You put your food down and crossed your arms.

 

“Then humor me.”

 

You leaned back against your seat in the booth and pouted. He wasn’t going to let it go was he? “Fine, you can walk me home.  _ But  _ only if I can ask you anything I want without judgement.”

 

Bucky eyed you warily but nodded. “Deal.”

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take very long for you to get used to Bucky. He’d simply wait for you outside the clinic, a little smile on his face at the sight of you in your nurse scrubs.

 

Some nights he would actively participate in conversation while others he’d reply in one-liners and have his eyes flickering to look into every alley and dark corner. You never said anything, just observed him. You supposed it had to do with his past as a soldier and his PTSD. 

 

That was another thing about walking home with Bucky. You learned a lot from him both from what he told and from what you could sense telepathically. You found that your powers were beginning to allow you to get hints about a person you had previously swayed if you were in prolonged contact with them.

 

It was hard to explain and you often found yourself having to call Jean for advice on how to stop it. Despite the nature of your powers, you couldn’t help but feel invasive. It made you feel like you were rummaging through a person’s belongings without permission, or like rifling through their medicine cabinet. Unfortunately Jean was of little help and told you it was normal, that you would just have to cope with it and try your best to ignore it. Sometimes loud thoughts couldn’t help but worm their way into your head.

 

You found that Bucky had plenty of loud thoughts. You knew he was previously a soldier. You knew he was remembering a lot more than he was letting on. You knew that he was older than he looked, what you didn’t know was his actual age. (He couldn’t be more than thirty, right?) You knew he came to this town to get away. You knew he had PTSD. You knew he never went anywhere without a knife tucked in his boot. You knew he didn’t have a cellphone because he didn’t trust them. You knew he thought a lot about a man on a bridge. You knew he hid his left arm at all times, which explained why he never removed his jacket and when he did he'd wear long sleeves and his leather gloves

  
You never said anything about it. How could you when almost everything you knew about him was because your abilities picked up on them? It wasn’t exactly something you could chat about over a coffee.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: There's going to be a scene with attempted rape. It doesn't happen but I just want to give you all fair warning before you read.

You aggressively rubbed your temples in a vain attempt to assuage your oncoming migraine.  _ Only two more minutes till the end of your shift,  _ you reminded yourself.  _ Then you can go home and use that new bath bomb. _

 

“______?”

 

You put a hand down and looked at your co-worker, a nurse who usually worked in the ICU and occasionally in the maternity ward. “Yeah, Paige?”

 

“Can you do me a favor and get rid of these syringes for me?” The blonde hauled an orange bucket of used syringes towards you. “I’d do it myself but I have to help with maternity watch tonight.”

 

You frowned. “Isn’t that Brandon’s job today?”

 

“It  _ was  _ but he had leave early today. I think his wife had to have a sonogram done today.”

 

You sighed but nodded. “Fine, I’ll throw them on the way out.”

 

“Thanks so much.” She handed the sealed bucket over to you and wiped her brow with the back of her hand. “I owe you.”

 

“Save me some cookies from your next PTA meeting and we’re even.”

 

Paige snorted as she left. “You got it.”

 

With a weak grin you grabbed your belongings and balanced the bucket on your hip.  You’d have to head to the door that led to the alley and then go around to meet Bucky. You just hoped he wouldn’t get too worried for taking too long.

 

You pushed the door open with your other hip and hefted your purse higher up your shoulder. You felt a shiver go down your spine as you walked to the hazardous waste disposal. It was mid August and a late night chill was beginning to settle in.

 

You licked your lips nervously. But it wasn’t that cold, so why did you still feel shivers going down your spine?

 

As you were placing the bin in the the orange dumpster you heard a click. You froze. There was someone behind you.

 

“Turn around.”

 

You swallowed thickly and did as you were told. Your breath hitching as you stared past the barrel of a gun and up at the man who had you cornered. His face was covered by the shadows of the alley but just by his voice you knew it was a man from town. You had heard him before.

 

“You’re going to be quiet and we’ll get this over with real quick.”

 

You could hear your heart pounding in your ears. You couldn’t reach him, you wouldn’t be able to so much as graze him if he kept that gun in his grip and ready to fire.

 

He gestured at you with his gun. “Get rid of the purse and phone.”

 

You raised your hands up slowly. “H-Hey, now. You don’t have to do this. Just--”

 

The man’s hand shot out and grabbed you tightly by the shoulder, knocking you against the  dumpster. You cried out, loosening your grip on your purse. You watched as your phone and other belonging rolled out onto the concrete ground. With a great stomp, the man shattered the phone. You shuddered as he brought the gun up to your temple.

 

“You should of stayed quiet.” He leaned and you craned your neck as far from him as possible. “Now, you just made things harder for yourself.”

 

His hand moved to grab you by the throat and you just knew you would have bruises tomorrow. Your own hands clawed at his, lessening his grip. You gasped for air.

 

“Throw the gun away.  _ Now. _ ” You steeled your nerves (You would  _ not  _ have a panic attack now. Not when you had the upper hand.) and held his wrist tightly, ignoring the way he still gripped tightly at your throat.

 

His eyes glazed over as he tossed the gun away from the two of you. Your felt your pulse even out as you heard the gun clatter against the ground.

 

“Good. Now, tell me your name.”

 

He hesitated before answering. “...Thomas Smith.”

 

You scowled. You had attended him in the ICU only three months ago! “So this is the thanks I get for treating you after your accident? I’m surprised the cops didn’t take you in for the alcohol we found in your system.”

 

Your own hand latched onto his throat and you walked forward, pushing him against the brick wall of the hospital. “What were you going to do Thomas? Rape me? Kill me?”

 

His eyes bugged out of his skull as you spoke.

 

“Answer me, Thomas.”

 

“Yes.”

 

You chuckled humorlessly. “Looks like you had more brain damage than I thought. Rape is  _ illegal  _ in Utah, Thomas. So is murder.” You clenched your jaw, trying your hardest not to lose control of yourself. “I’m making you do things you don’t want. Do  _ you  _ like it?”

 

He shook his head and you scoffed. “I didn’t think so.”

 

You stiffened as you got a glimpse of him. You felt disgust begin to pool in your stomach. “You’ve done this before. You’ve taken advantage of other women. You know how I know that? Because I can read you with this.” You lifted your other hand in front of his face, wiggling your fingers. 

 

“So I  _ will  _  know if you don’t listen to what I say. Though at this point I highly doubt it. Your mind is the weakest I’ve seen yet.” You sighed. “So how about this? You’re going to take your gun, go straight to the police station and tell them what you tried to do to me and what you’ve done to all those women. They’ll interrogate you and you won’t say a single thing about my powers because the moment you walk in and flash that gun you’ll forget about them. All you know is what I’ve told you now. Understand?”

 

Thomas nodded his hand frantically.

 

“Good. Now go do what I told you.” You let him go and watched as he scurried off to pick up his gun and run out the alley.

 

Your breath shuddered as his rapid footsteps receded. You went over to pick up your things, wincing as a migraine came full force. You clenched your jaw as tears begin to slip down your face. You were about to be-

 

“______?”

  
You felt your blood run cold. _Bucky_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys are going to kill me... I can tell. ._.

To put it simply James Barnes had gotten attached to you. He wished he could say it was just because you were a pretty face and gave him free food. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so guilty whenever he thought he should leave. But he knew well that that wasn’t why he decided to let you get close.

 

You were safe and normal; everything he wasn’t. You were selfless. And sometimes, on a long night, stubborn and kind enough to deal with his shit whenever he himself couldn’t. Sometimes he swore he could feel your hands soothing the tight muscles of his face over the phone.

 

So when he heard you were walking from work alone,  _ at night, _ he didn’t hesitate to offer escorting you every night. (Who was he he kidding? He’d walk you home even if he had to hide in the shadows doing it.) There was no way he’d be able to sleep if you walked alone in the dark, not that he slept much anyway. Besides, if he let a dame walk alone he was sure his Ma would come out the grave and give him a good thwack upside the head.

 

It was a bit awkward at first. Despite having good conversation at the cafe he still found small talk a bit difficult. He was just grateful you naturally took the lead in conversation. It made it easier for him to adjust to this new part of his routine. It was only a matter of time before he began to share little things he remembered about himself. Nothing too specific or personal but you didn’t seem to mind. He was glad about that. Though sometimes he couldn’t help but feel like you could tell he remembered more.

 

Today your shift ended 11:00 PM. It was your latest shift to date and he wasn’t gonna lie. You looked like you were burning yourself out. He was surprised you even made an effort to meet him in the mornings at all.

 

Bucky sighed and looked up, he could see the lobby clock from outside. It was 11:05 and you still hadn’t come out. 

 

Bucky snorted derisively and shook his head.  _ Don’t be clingy, Barnes. She probably got stuck with a patient.  _

 

That’s what he was telling himself anyway until he heard the sound of a gun’s safety being removed. Instantly every muscle in his body tensed and he turned his head to the source of the sound, the alley next to the hospital.

 

“Turn around.”

 

Bucky couldn’t help the flood of relief when he discovered that no, it wasn’t a Hydra agent hiding in the shadows and no, they weren’t going after him. 

 

_ Then who? _

**Don’t be stupid. If you interfere they’ll know, and if they know they’ll tell… You’ll have to kill them.**

 

Bucky shook his head and clenched his fists. He couldn’t let those thoughts come back again. Not now.

 

“You’re going to be real quiet and we’ll get this over with real quick. Get rid of the purse and phone.”

 

At that, Bucky could feel his blood boiling. The creep was targeting a woman. Before he could think better of it he stalked slowly towards the alley. He crept along the wall careful to stay out of the light and treading so lightly even he couldn’t hear his own footsteps.

 

“H-Hey, now. You don’t have to do this. Just--”

 

Bucky heard your voice and something in him snapped. He could care less about his identity. He could care less about his safety. Someone had you at gunpoint and he wasn’t about to let the bastard leave without a dozen broken bones and a concussion. He couldn’t help but appreciate the fact he was next to a conveniently placed hospital.

 

At the sound of you being slammed against dumpster he began winding his metal arm back, rapidly losing the value he had for this man’s life. He was going the bash his skull in if he laid another finger on you.

 

“You should have stayed quiet. Now you just made things harder for yourself.”

 

As he turned the corner he saw as you clawed at the man’s arm, struggling for breath. Bucky began sprinting to the end of the alley, not giving a damn about stealth. Halfway there you gasped and grabbed the man’s wrist tightly.

 

“Throw the gun away.  _ Now. _ ”

 

Bucky froze. Your voice resonated through the alley, demanding obedience, demanding to be heard. 

 

Like magic the man threw away the gun and Bucky took a step back, faltering. Was he… was he seeing this right? Were you talking him down? In a chokehold?

 

“Good. Now, tell me your name.” You spoke clearly, as of the man weren’t even attempting to crush your windpipe.

 

The man hesitated before answering. Bucky didn’t bother catching the name, too enraptured in whatever the hell was going on here. He watched as you scowled at the man, hand tightening and in turn digging your fingernails into the man’s wrist.

 

“So this is the thanks I get for treating you after your accident? I’m surprised the cops didn’t take you in for the alcohol we found in your system.”

 

Your hand latched onto the man’s throat at a speed that surprised even bucky and made him flinch. He never would have expected you to be this violent. You backed the man up against the wall

 

“What were you were going to do, Thomas? Rape me? Kill me?” The man stayed silent so you pressed. “Answer me, Thomas”

 

“Yes.”

 

A chill ran down Bucky’s spine at the sound of you chuckling. This wasn’t right. It shouldn’t have been so easy for you to gain control. You barely put up a fight and neither was he. Why were you so calm when the man in front of you towered over you and could easily best you in weight and strength?

 

“Looks like you had more brain damage than I thought. Rape is illegal in Utah, Thomas. So is murder.” Your expression hardened. “I’m making you do things you don’t want. Do you like it?”

He shook his head and you scoffed. “I didn’t think so.”

“You’ve done this before. You’ve taken advantage of other women. You know how I know that? Because I can read you with this.” You lifted your other hand in front of his face, wiggling your fingers.

 

Bucky’s heart stuttered in his chest.  _ What is she... _

“So I will  know if you don’t listen to what I say. Though at this point I highly doubt it. Your mind is the weakest I’ve seen yet.” You sighed. “So how about this? You’re going to take your gun, go straight to the police station and tell them what you tried to do to me and what you’ve done to all those women. They’ll interrogate you and you won’t say a single thing about my powers because the moment you walk in and flash that gun you’ll forget about them. All you know is what I’ve told you now. Understand?”

The man nodded his head frantically.

“Good. Now go do what I told you.” You let him go and watched as he scurried off to pick up his gun and run out the alley, all the while not noticing Bucky as he stood in the shadows.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Your breath shuddered as his rapid footsteps receded. You went over to pick up your things, wincing as a migraine came full force. You clenched your jaw as tears begin to slip down your face. You were about to be- _

_ “______?” _

 

_ You felt your blood run cold.  _ Bucky.

 

You entire body froze. How much did he see? How much did he know?  _ Was he there the whole time? Did you ruin everything? _ **_Was he going to report you to the police?_ **

 

“What the hell was that?” Bucky licked his lips and took a step forward. “______, turn around and look at me.”

 

You swallowed thickly and turned around, seeing Bucky’s silhouette. Your head swam, your migraine pulsing through your left eye and to the back of your head. 

 

“ _What the hell_ _is going on?”_ Bucky’s voice, sharp and cold, cut through the tense atmosphere like a knife.

 

“I-I…”

 

“Are you an enhanced?” You could see his fists clench tightly. You heard the sound of his leather gloves and was that whirring?

 

“N-no! I’m not--” Your voice faltered. Why was everything swaying from side to side? As black began to creep at the edges of your vision you pressed the palms of your hands against your temples. What was going on?

 

Suddenly Bucky was in front of you holding his hands out in front of you but not touching you. You weren’t sure if it was because he was afraid of you or because he was unsure of what to do.

“What’s wrong with you?”

  
You felt your heart hammering in your chest as your knees gave out. Your right hand shot out to grip onto Bucky. You grabbed his left arm and you flinched at the feeling of cool metal. Then everything went to black.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE, MOTHER HUGGERS.  
> ANOTHER UPDATE.

The last thing Myia was expecting was rapid knocking on her apartment door. She wrapped her robe around her, having only worn panties and loose fitting tank top to bed, and stalked towards her door. _____ hadn’t texted her, so who could possibly be at her door at this hour?

 

She looked through the peephole and gasped. Behind the door stood Bucky, carrying you in his arms. She yanked the door open when she saw you were unconscious. She grabbed Bucky by one of his shoulders and pulled him in, looking into the hallway to make sure no one else had seen them.

 

When she shut the door behind her she saw Bucky setting ______ down gently on her couch. She went up beside him and pressed her hand on her friend’s forehead. She sighed, thankfully she wasn’t overheating, and pushed some hair out of her face.

 

“How long has she been out?”

 

Bucky dragged his right hand over his face. “Ten minutes.”

 

“What happened, Bucky?”

 

James frowned at Myia. “You tell me. One minute she’s about to be sexually assaulted the next she’s choking the bastard and telling him to get arrested.”

 

Myia brought a hand up to her mouth in a gasp and stroked ______’s hair. “Oh my god.Did he…?”

 

“No. Pervert didn’t get the chance.” Bucky observed Myia as she stroked your hair and forehead. It didn’t take a genius to see what was going on. “So you know?”

 

Myia sighed and sat down on the floor next to her friend. “I’m her best friend, of course I know.” Myia dragged a hand down her face. “She never told you, did she?”

 

Bucky scoffed and crossed his arms. “Not a damned thing.”

 

Myia grimaced, her eyes turning to her friend. “Can you really blame her? Her powers, they’re not something most people would be comfortable with.”

 

“Yeah, no shit.” Bucky clenched his jaw and sighed. “She’s a mutant, isn’t she? That’s why she kept it such a secret.”

 

Bucky licked his lips. He didn’t remember much about mutants. He remembered fighting alongside a mutant who coincidentally was called James in World War II. He also remembered being sent over to Cuba in ‘63 to eliminate some witnesses of a missile threat. Then in the 70s, as much as a blur as it was, he remembered something about mutants being discovered in France. Some attempted assassination that led to a brawl amongst very powerful mutants. Seeing how scared you realized he saw you , he couldn’t find it in himself to be angry.

 

“Yeah,” Myia nodded. “But you need to understand. She didn’t keep it from you because she didn’t trust you. She didn’t want you to think any less of her. She didn’t want you to be afraid.”

 

“Well, it’s hard not to do that now that I know what her powers are. She can control minds?”

 

Myia nodded. “Only when she touches skin. That’s why she only touches your sleeves or your gloves, you know. She didn’t wanted to sway you into wanting help.”

 

Bucky froze, his arms falling to his sides. “You know?”

 

“Not much, she really cares about your privacy. But it’s not hard to pick things up when you come to the cafe I work at every morning.” Myia licked her lips. “You’re him, aren’t you? You’re the Winter Soldier.”

 

“I-” Bucky clenched his jaw. He had half a mind to run out the door and never come back to this backwater town again.

 

“It’s okay.” Myia murmured. “I swear I haven’t told anyone. I’ve had my eye on you for a couple weeks. I can tell you’re a good guy.”

 

Bucky turned his head away. “I need to go.” His eyes scanned you over before he headed to the door. “Take care of her.”

 

“That’s all I ever do.” Myia stood up following after him. When she reached for the doorknob with his left hand she cut him off, preventing him from possibly crushing the metal. “You’ll be back to tomorrow, right? She’ll freak if you’re not here.”

 

“Yeah, maybe.” And with that Bucky left the apartment.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super short. :( So sorry!

Despite his better judgement, (he realized he had been doing that so much more often since he knew you and he was nearly certain it was your fault) he returned to Myia’s house. He had come early, around seven. And despite not having slept he was more alert and awake than ever. All he needed was answers. He’d interrogate you and leave the town, maybe even the continent.

 

When he knocked on the door Myia was quick to answer, and pulled him in by the arm. He didn’t even get the chance to say good morning (not that he was feeling particularly chatty ) before she was already asking him to carry you to the guest bedroom. He relented, and lifted you up off the couch. 

 

When he returned, Myia had a plate stock full of muffins and cookies. He paused in the doorway.

 

She smiled at him and ran her fingers through her tight curls. “Figured you’d want something to eat. You usually come by the cafe at this hour, so…”

 

Bucky nodded and sat at the counter and took a muffin. He surprised himself when he bit into it without doing his routine check for poison or sedatives. Not that he thought Myia was capable of it, he just never ate without doing it. 

 

He had allowed himself to get too comfortable.

 

Myia set a cup of steaming black coffee and held a carton of half and half in her hand.

 

“Do you want some milk?”

 

Bucky froze, his eyes flashing upwards go meet her gaze.

 

**She’s mocking you.**

 

_ No he’s not here. Pierce isn’t here. _

 

**She knows who you are.**

 

“No, thank you.”

 

Myia nodded and began to fix herself a cup. The two ate their breakfast in silence until Myia spoke up.

 

“Look, I understand if you’re angry with her.” Myia set her coffee down with a sigh, observing Bucky. “But you can’t-”

 

“Did she-- Does she know who I am?”

 

Myia shook her head. “She just she knew that you were important. She just wasn’t sure why. Her abilities can be very vague like that sometimes.”

 

“And you trust her?”

 

“I’m letting her stay in my house, aren’t I?”

 

Bucky’s eyes scanned her face for a signal. Any sign that she was lying, that she was under your control. There had to be. Nobody went out of their way to help a mutant. As he recalled there were very few sympathizers. 

 

“You’re not scared of them? Of mutants?”

 

She smiled. “Nah, my mom was a mutant.”

 

Bucky hummed and turned his head towards the guestroom.

 

“You can wake her up now. She’s had a good eight hours. She should be fine.” She stood up and walked over to the pantry. She pulled out a colorful bottle of what he could only assume was medication. Then she grabbed a glass and filled it with water. “You might want to give this before talking to her. She gets really bad migraines.”

 

Bucky frowned but nodded. No point in asking you anything if you weren’t going to be able to concentrate.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever write for hours and are just left with the shortest thing ever? Well, this is the result of my experience with that.
> 
> I hope you guys like it though, I've been struggling against this writer's block like crazy. I even started writing self-inserts in my spare time to get ideas flowing. Never before have I felt like such self-indulgent trash. (ಠ_ಠ)

You weren’t sure what it was that woke you up, the serene atmosphere of what was undoubtedly Myia’s apartment, or the niggling sensation of being watched. Regardless of what it was, you just knew that now that you were awake and were about to get very strong talking to by your “mom friend”. Even if you were sporting a terrible migraine.

 

You turned your head and cracked an eye open to look at the coffee table. Like always  there sat two pills of aspirin and a glass of water except it wasn’t Myia sitting in front of you in a chair. No, it was Bucky.

 

You swallowed thickly. He obviously brought you here. But how did he..?

 

Your hand went up to cover your mouth and you shuffled back on the bed. “Oh my God.” You pulled your knees up as a rush of memories flooded your head. Images of being threatened by that bastard, then discovered by Bucky flashing through your mind. Bucky and metal. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”

 

Bucky, who had now crossed his arms leaned back against the seat, muscles tense. “What was that then?”

 

You felt a shudder go down your spine and a stab of pain go through your right eye socket straight to the back of your head. You grabbed the aspirin and unscrewed the cap. You shook out two pills and popped them into your mouth, then took a large gulp of water.

 

You wiped the water dripping from your bottom lip off with the back of your hand. “I was defending myself, Bucky. You know I couldn’t let him have his way.”

 

“You controlled him. How?”

 

You looked off to the side, away from him. You couldn’t do this right now. Not this early in the morning. Not with the pounding migraine that made even your teeth ache. Not without Myia here to help you out.

 

“Where’s Myia?”

 

“Listening from behind the door.” Bucky placed his left hand on his knee and leaned forward slightly. “Now answer the question, _______.”

 

You licked your lips. He knew you powers, and he wasn’t scared. But what if he found out you were a mutant? Could you even trust him with that information? He was borderline hostile as it was just knowing that you could control people. If you told him how. If he knew that every time you had touched his skin you had had the opportunity to control him. Would he still even consider you a friend? Would he let you help him? Or would he call the police on you and Myia.

 

Bucky sighed heavily and rubbed a hand down his face. “Just tell me the truth, ______.”

 

Your bowed your head slightly and looked up at him. You finally conceded with a nod and sighed. Rubbing your eyes with the palm of your hand you took a deep breath in and let it out.

 

“I’m, uh… I’m a mutant.” You wrapped your arms around your torso and scanned his face as you continued. “I’m a tactile-telepath. I can control a person as long as I’m touching their skin. Sometimes, I can even read their thoughts, but that’s a new development.”

 

Bucky nodded and his jaw clenched. There it was. You already knew what he was going to ask before he even said it.

 

“Have you done it to me?”

 

“Bucky, I--”

 

“Answer the damn question, ______.”

 

“...yes.” 

 

“...I knew it.” Bucky buried his head in his hands and you realized you had never seen him so broken. Not even when he was having one of his episodes. You could almost feel his feelings of betrayal rolling over you in waves. He lifted his head, a sudden anger flashing in his blue eyes. You felt goosebumps erupt on you skin. “ _ How many times? _ ”

 

“Three times.”

 

“ _ Don’t lie to me.” _

 

“I’m not lying to you!” You shook your head frantically. “Only three times, Buck. Twice when I met you and the time you broke the phone booth. I promise.”

 

He narrowed his eyes. “You know I can’t trust you.”

 

“Yes you can! Because I trust you!” You pounded a fist against the mattress. “Damn it, James! I’m not lying! I wouldn’t… not about this. I never lie about stuff like this…”

 

Bucky stood up from his chair, eyes wide. He rushed out of the room, nearly colliding with Myia at the door. He barely spared her a glance and brushed past her.

 

Myia ran after him and grabbed his arm. “Wait, why are you leaving?”

 

Bucky’s eyes flashed angrily at her. “You said she didn’t know.”

 

Myia frowned and shook her head. “She  _ doesn’t _ .”

 

“She said my name. I  _ never  _ told her my name.”

 

Bucky tugged his arm out of her grip and left the apartment. It was all too much. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like trash updating this so late. But here you gonna I finally got the motivation to finish this chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who commented and asked for more depute my hiatus. You guys really motivated me.   
> As for the next chapter I can't say when it will be posted, but I do know how I'd like this story to move forward. Just try to bear with me guys,. Thanks.

You all but stumbled out of the bed and into the living room. Myia sat at the counter calmly munching on an oatmeal raisin cookie.

"Where’s Bucky?” You rubbed at your temples with your fingers.

“I had to let him leave,” she answered. “He looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack.”

If you weren’t wide awake then, you were now. “I need to go help him.”

Myia grabbed your arm before you could get to the door. “Oh no, you’re not! You’re still recovering from your episode last night. If you’re going to talk to him again you need eat and take a shower.”

“But--”

“No buts. Sit down while I get you the clothes you left last time.”

You grimaced and sat on the booth beside her. You grabbed two cookies and a muffin as you sulked at the counter. If it weren’t for your still very present migraine, you’d be halfway to Bucky’s place. You dropped your head in your hand. He was probably already out of town by now.

You continued to nibble on one of the cookies. Why had he even run off like that? He looked as if you had slapped him in the face.

“Why did he run off," you thought out loud, face pensive.

“He said it was because you knew his name.” Myia came into the kitchen, a fresh pile of clothes for you in her arms. “I’m just amazed you know his name but not who he is. It’s kind of obvious.”

“What? What does his name have to do with this?” You set your food down and stood up. “Mymy, help me out here.”

Myia shook her head with a sigh. “That’s for him to tell you. Now hurry up before he skips town.”

You grabbed the pile of clothes and stuffed your cookie in your mouth as you rushed to the bathroom.

_________________

Ten minutes later you were on the streets searching for Bucky. If you were right, and you _r_ _eally_  hoped you were, the next bus would leave in ten minutes at the old phone booth. You were a block away and could already see the stiff outline of your soldier at the bus stop.

"Bucky!"

He stood still, pretending to have not heard your voice and shouldered his backpack.

Your heart thundered in your chest as you saw the bus appear around the corner. _No no no no no!_  Legs and arms pumping, you ran, ignoring the beginnings of a cramp in your side.

"Bucky!"

At ten feet away you tried stopping only to end up ramming into Bucky and falling back on your butt. "Ouch!"

You felt the sting of tears but ignored them as you shakily stood up. Bucky on the other hand was completely unfazed as he glared down at you and frankly a bit put off.

"Bucky, please don't go. I didn't mean to-- it wasn't my intention to hurt you. I just wanted to help!"

"Help?" His voice was so calm it sent a chill down your spine. "Is that what you call your little mind games? Help?"

"They're not..." You wished you could reach out and grab his hand. Not to sway him, but to make him understand just how much he meant to you. How much you wanted to help him recover. How much you wanted to help him have a real life with real memories. Not some hashed up mix of nightmares and deja vú. He deserved better.

You sighed shakily and folded your arms across your chest. "I was wrong, okay? I know I was wrong. I should have trusted you with this. You had every right to know. You deserved better."

Bucky looked past you impatiently. You heard the bus round the corner. "Are you done?"

You felt your heart shatter in your chest. You pursed your lips, trying to will away the tears welling in your eyes. You had done verything you could. "I just-- I hope that you find what you're looking for. And that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. A-and if you don't, then that's okay. I deserve it."

The bus pulled up beside the both of you and opened its doors. Without another word, Bucky hiked up his bag and stepped onto the bus. You stared after him as he paid his fare and walked to the farthest row.

"Hey, kid! You comin' in, or what?" The bus driver grouched, his hand already on the doors closing mechanism.

You took a step back, arms still crossed and shook your head silently. The doors closed and you felt you heart sink to the floor as the bus departed. You turned back towards Myia's apartment once it was out of sight.


	25. Author's Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a new chapter sorry. Just an update

I wanna start off and say I am  **really** sorry for going so long without an update. Not a day goes by that I don't regret updating this and my other Bucky fic.

Now, I _haven't_  given up on this fic. I _do_ have the beginning of the next chapter written out. I'd have put it out sooner, but I really want this fic to have quality. I'd hate to just give you guys whatever I barfed onto the keyboard.

Thanks so much for your patience and I hope you guys don't hate me too much. I really appreciate your comments  ~~but those of you who just scream "update!!" at me... Stop.~~

I hope to get more writing done these next couple of months. Again thanks for reading this. I'll delete this once I post my following chapter.

 


End file.
